Lord, Use Me!


What if you just absolutely knew without a shadow of a doubt what it is that you were called to do? What if you had this detailed plan in your head of how things were going to go and who would be involved and how absolutely wonderful it was going to be? Then you decide to surrender it all to the Lord and He blows it all up, flips it upside down, moves people and places around and you’re smack in the middle watching as if in the eye of a tornado as everything starts to swirl around you at a dizzying rate and you have ZERO control! Can you relate even a little?

I thought that I’d graduate college, have a very successful event planning company and then I prayed, “Lord, use me!” Well, I had this wedding that I was planning and then before I knew it, I lost all control of that wedding and that was the end of my event planning company. Ironically, at this time I really began to hear God as if He was standing right next to me, like loud and clear to the point that I thought the sleep deprivation I’d experienced from taking care of a little had taken its toll. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of God answering my prayer of Him using me.

I lost jobs, embarrassing interviews, arguments with my husband, no money, struggles that happened in the past 8 years and it was all because I prayed for God to use me! He was directing me and I was fighting Him!

Here’s the thing, when we ask God to use us, this means that we have given Him sole control. He reminded me one day that, daughter, you don’t get to choose your assignment. Your obedience is what I need. We don’t get to choose who, what, when, where or how. We must obey. The train wreck happens when we try to work God’s plans into ours instead of the other way around. God takes our prayers quite seriously and He honors them. So, be careful what you pray for!

On the journey to Him “using” us, He works on, in then through us. He reaches down to clean us up and clean us out. He removes the things in us that would taint His purpose for us. He removes the things in our hearts that are not of Him and this can be quite painful! He also moves at His own pace and how many of you know that His timing is NOTHING like our timing!!?? But even in this godly surgery, He doesn’t let any of the pain go to waste, He uses it all, even the things we think are so minute and unimportant.

What is Healed

What He’s doing during this surgery is healing us in the process of using us. Sometimes this surgical healing requires Him to remove us from certain people and situations, environments, anything that would hinder His work in us and through us. He takes great care in healing us because He doesn’t want  us to spread toxic pain to others and He certainly doesn’t want us to hold on to it. If we want God to use us, we must first go through a healing process. Healing from things and people who hurt us, the pain that left a tarlike residue. We can’t move forward if we don’t allow Him to perform the surgery on our hearts and in our minds. So if you feel as if you’re stalled, then perhaps this is the reason why?

Are there some areas that you won’t talk about, can’t talk about without crying? Is there a person in your life (friend, relative, male or female) that you know isn’t good for you, or you feel that God has warned you about but because you don’t see anything wrong, you stay because you don’t know how to leave? Do you wonder if you’re stalled because God doesn’t love you because of the things you’ve done in your past or you feel that you’re too dirty to love? This is why I’m offering the class HEALED I know that I’m not the only one who’s had these feelings and I am more than willing to share how the Lord has helped me.

If you’ve prayed for God to use you and you’re wondering why you’re stuck, then ask Him, what’s holding you back and He’ll show you. If you need help in this process then perhaps HEALED is for you!

Be blessed & encouraged,



The Struggle is Real but So is Jesus!

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending the She Speaks Conference and it was aaaahhhhmazing!! This conference was an on time, God appointed and God ordained oasis sent during this season that I refer to as the “tumble weed” season.

The year 2016 has started out as the weirdest,  with a series of rapid fire events for my family and I. I began the year full of hope and awe as I had 3 speaking engagements lined up and I was so very excited about them all! But then in March things changed and instead of scheduling inspiring events, I was scheduling my daughter’s surgery.  Nothing serious thank God, but when it comes to your kiddos, it’s always serious! Well, not long after that I go to visit my doctor about this excruciating pain in my right side and low and behold the culprit is a pesky kidney stone that’s apparently wreaking havoc and must be removed, via outpatient surgery! Are you kidding me?! I have 3 kids and a husband, I can’t afford to be down but by the grace of God, I survived as did my family and recovery was quick although quite uncomfortable. Next in line was the most unexpected and challenging event yet. My dear husband was holding our son, Caleb now a year old, as he was walking down the stairs. Well Hubby’s foot slipped, causing him to fall down the stairs, yes with baby in tow and in order to protect Caleb, he shifted his weight and landed all 200 plus pounds on his left leg and ankle. Well praise God, our little Caleb was fine, just terrified, but Hubby, as I looked down at his foot which was turned unnaturally to the left, was not fine.  It was so bad that I had to call an ambulance just to get him off the stairs and to the hospital. This fall resulted in broken leg and ankle and yes, surgery was needed! This was a challenging two and a half month recovery as everything and everyone depended upon me. Needless to say, it was definitely God who saw us through this.

During the time of Hubby’s recovery, I started feeling this burning, stinging pain in my right breast that just wouldn’t go away. So, I decided to go have it checked out.  I didn’t think it was anything to worry about because my rough and tumble son loves to pounce on his Momma and he always seems to land on my right breast. Go figure! Well, my doctor gives me an unexpected diagnosis, a cyst . Well, I almost lost it but I guess she in all her experience diffused the bomb that she saw was about to go off! She orders an ultrasound and mammogram and sends me on my way. Now, in the midst of this news, may I mention that also in this tumble weed season, our finances are stretched to the max and have been for years.  So on top of the surgeries, there’s the strain of dealing with a very tight budget in which every single penny is accounted for. As I was leaving my doctor’s office, the tears came in like a flood and I had to pull my car over for a full on snot session! I called my friend and I couldn’t talk because I just couldn’t stop crying! This was the last straw, I couldn’t take anything else happening.

Well, God, in His infinite wisdom knew all this would happen and that I would need a much needed mommy break, made a way for me to attend She Speaks via an account I set up using Go Fund Me. I’m still blown away by the overwhelming love and support shown to me by friends, loved ones and strangers! This was my first time attending She Speaks, and also my first time since having a family that I’ve driven anywhere over an hour, alone. My first hotel stay alone and my first time attending a conference alone.  Needless to say I was so stinkin’ excited and beyond anxious to get away and get a break.  Most of all, I was anxious to get away with God.  It’s hard to find quiet time in a house full of children and plus I had questions, and my heart was hurting because there were and still are some things going on in my life right now that just doesn’t make sense! So, my goal for attending She Speaks was to have a one on one with God and He was going to have to tell me something! This tumble weed season must end now! Where oh where is the oasis in all of this?  Well, my oasis was She Speaks.

God used this time away from my normal hustle and bustle, this conference, to not only give me rest but to serve some reminders. He reminded me that He still sees me and knows all that I’ve endured and am still enduring. He sees my heart and hears my cries and has bottled up every tear. He’s heard my prayers. He’s taking great care of me and my family.  He reminded me that the condition of my heart and my family’s heart is most important to Him, and that comfort would come in different forms and at different times. He, in a way that only He could, confirmed my calling and affirmed my ministry through this wonderful woman of God, Cindy Bultema, and He also gave me a wonderful new GodSisterFriend, Michelle of Displaying Grace. He gave me rest among His daughters who were there and understood me. I didn’t have to explain a thing. I rested, I laughed, I rejoiced, I prayed and I cried and ate all the dessert my little heart desired!

So, even though I’m still in my tumble weed season, it doesn’t seem as dry because I have the wonderful and timely encouragement that I received from She Speaks and the gracious friends that I’ve met there and I don’t feel alone anymore. Most of all I know that even in the driest seasons, Jesus is real, no matter how hard the struggle is and He’s always our living water that never runs dry.

Be blessed & encouraged,


Michelled & I, She Speaks 2016
Michelle & Me!
Lysa T., She Speaks 2016
Lysa Terkeurst, President, Proverbs 31 Ministries
Cindy and I, She Speaks 2016
Cindy Bultema & Me!