Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Sex is Just Sex, Right? (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

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Scripture: Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)  Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

There is this very huge misunderstanding that sex equals love. It so does not! If only I’d learned this in my teen years. Sex outside of marriage, “good” sex outside of marriage, clouds your vision, makes you feel as if you’re in love but all it does is blind you to the things that you really need to pay attention too. For instance, my hubby and I had sex with others and each other before we were married. It wasn’t until after we were married that all of our junk came out. Did you catch that? Marriage has a way of bringing all of your junk to the surface.  I truly believe the reason some marriages don’t work is because when the junk comes to the surface, instead of people dealing with it and offering mercy and grace, they run and sadly in some cases, they take the junk with them to the next relationship. Again, marriage doesn’t erase your past!

My sexual brokenness is what brought me to full surrender to God. I couldn’t deal with the pain. The more I learned about God, His heart for me, His purpose and reason for creating sex, I realized what a mess I was! I felt so much guilt and shame. Well, why, Shannon, why did you feel this? It’s just sex right? WRONG! Sex is not just sex! Never was, never is, never will be. Sex is an act of worship. Yes, think about it, it’s powerful isn’t it? Women use it to get what they want, or to validate who they are as a woman because of their physical attributes. Men use it to make them feel like a man, as if they’ve conquered or accomplished something based on how much sex they can get. Satan uses it to destroy us. But God created it to create life. Sex has the power to create life! That’s power!

God tells us in His Word to work at all things as unto Him (Colossians 3:23-24). Not only this but to offer our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, which is the way to truly worship Him. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him (NLT). 

Growing up I was never taught this! I wasn’t even taught to value myself, only to not get pregnant. So I worshipped the enemy with my body. I praised my flesh, I gave in. Ungodly soul ties were formed. Heartbreak happened almost to the point of my destruction. But God! He sent Jesus to save me and you! Praise God for this! I am redeemed and restored and am able to enjoy sex freely as God intended with my husband. My husband, the only one who truly deserves to know me intimately. The thing I regret the most is that my husband was not my first. No one else deserved that honor, that privilege. Again, thank God for Jesus!


Path to Healing:

How did I deal with the lies that I’d believed about sex? Finding out the truth of course! The truth will set you free! (John 8:32). I have found that some married women find it hard to have sex with their husbands because they haven’t dealt with their own pasts and have believed the lies that they’ve been taught about sex. Some have been taught that sex is nasty, you’re not supposed to enjoy it, there are certain things you shouldn’t do in the marriage bed even though God says the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I struggled with believing that because of my past, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy sex in marriage and I also believed that I wasn’t supposed to do certain things because “God was watching”! I’m so very glad that I found out that these were lies! Sex in the covenant of marriage is beyond beautiful! I understand why God created it for marriage. It allows you and your spouse to communicate in ways that words can’t express! There’s freedom in being vulnerable with the one God has blessed you to be with, your union has been blessed by Him. He sees what you’re doing and He’s pleased, not repulsed and not grieved! Sex outside of marriage grieves the Holy Spirit! And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. (NLT) Sex within marriage helps you through rough times, it’s like glue, it helps to keep you together, bonding and sealing your relationship. I will say this, the enemy works hard to get you to have sex outside of marriage and he works hard to get you to NOT have sex when you’re married. Another trick he uses to destroy marriages. 

I had to think about all the lies that I’d been told and I had to totally renew my mind about sex.

Lies I believed:

  • Sex was nasty and not to be enjoyed
  • You have to have sex with someone to get them to love you
  • Sex wasn’t important to God
  • I could do what I wanted and not have to worry about the consequences as long as I didn’t get pregnant
  • Sex had to be done a certain way, a performance, like what’s seen in porn
  • Sex was for anyone who wanted it, no other requirements, stipulations or consequences

Truth:

  • Sex was created by God for married couples because anything He created, He calls it good. (Genesis 5:2)
  • Sex is very important to God which is why in several scriptures we are warned of the consequences of sex outside of marriage. (see scriptures below)
  • Porn is the absolute last place one should be getting ideas or learning about sex. It’s demonic and not of God!

Work it out:

1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

What does this mean to you, for you? Holy Spirit lives in us so we should be extra careful of what we allow to enter our bodies mentally, physically and spiritually. What are some things/people who you need to change/let go of? Do you need to get help with help with a porn addiction? Do you need to cut off unhealthy relationships? Break some soul ties? Write down your own wrong and unhealthy thoughts about sex and find out what God has to say about them. Don’t know where to start? Pray and ask God for wisdom and He will give it to you freely! Below I’ve listed scriptures and links to a few resources to get your started. I pray that you will take advantage of what’s offered and go forth in getting the healing that you need.

Resources:

Porn Addiction: https://www.xxxchurch.com/

Tips on not having sex and breaking soul ties: How Not to Have Sex

Scriptures:

  1. Hebrews 13:4
  2. 1 Corinthians 16:9
  3. 2 Timothy 2:22
  4. Galatians 5:16
  5. Colossians 3:23-24
  6. Romans 8:1
  7. Romans 12:1-2
  8. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
  9. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
  10. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
  11. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
  12. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
  13. Galatians 5:1
  14. Galatians 5:19-21
  15. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with their sexuality whether single or married. I pray you will restore and rejuvenate the marriage bed of the marriages represented here. I pray that you would heal both spouses in this area and that their marriage would thrive and be a testimony of your greatness! I pray that all lies of sex be removed and destroyed and replaced with your truth! I pray for ungodly soul ties to be broken, porn addictions and other unhealthy addictions healed in the name of Jesus! I pray that Your truth about sex will overcome all the lies told us by the enemy! I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories, Sexual Healing Series

The Past is the Past (Sexual Healing Series)

Happy Monday! Today begins our Sexual Healing Series and I’m so excited to begin this journey with you! I’ve been praying for God’s direction for this series and I’ve been praying for you all as well!

A few things before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

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Scripture: 

Philippians 3:12-13 New Living Translation (NLT)

Pressing toward the Goal

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[a] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,


The first time I had sex, I was 14 years old and the guy was 22 years old. I’d just really started taking an interest in guys and was still rather awkward and shy around them but I did notice that I liked the attention that I was getting. My mom had a pretty serious drug and alcohol problem and the attention from the opposite sex proved to be a relief from my current circumstances. He’d told me that no one had to know and that he wouldn’t tell anyone, that everything would be ok.  That he would stop if it hurt too badly. I’m thinking, he’s older and he’s cute and out of all the girls, other than his girlfriend that he lived with, across the hall from me, he chose me. So I agreed. When his girlfriend had left, I went over to their apartment and that’s where my I gave away a very precious gift. Only, I didn’t know how precious it was because no one had ever told me, not even my mom, because she didn’t know either. The experience was very painful, not at all like the scripted lies that we see on TV and in the movies. The first person I told was my sister. She knew something was up because of the big smile I had on my face. I was smiling because I’d just done THE thing that everyone talks about. However, I didn’t know that this one event would change my life forever. It lead to lots of heartache, heartbreak, pain, depression, and many pointless relationships.

Path to Healing:

Looking back, all the sexual experiences I had outside of marriage contributed to much pain inside my marriage.  Contrary to popular belief, marriage is NOT a magic wand that will make all the pain of your past just disappear! We will definitely cover this in the upcoming sessions of this series! The first important step I had to take was to let go of my past. The enemy, the devil, used my sexual past to try to destroy my marriage. There was so much shame and guilt (which we will also deal with in another session) that I couldn’t enjoy sex with my husband in the beginning of our marriage. In the scripture above, we see that we have to forget those things which are behind and reach toward those things which are ahead. The only way I was able to even approach this was with the help of  the Holy Spirit. With each experience that was brought back to the forefront of my mind, He gently told me that I was forgiven and set free, that He didn’t see me as dirty and filthy! When we surrender our lives to Jesus, our sins are remembered no more by God but sometimes we have a hard time of letting go because we haven’t let His words uproot the accusatory and shameful lies that we hold on to. What I had to do was sit and think about what happened to me, all the experiences and give them to God, lay them at the foot of the Cross and leave them there. I had to turn to His word and what He said so that I could embrace Him and who He is and embrace who He says that I am. The enemy told me that I didn’t deserve my husband but God said otherwise. I was also told that God would punish me for my sins and that one day I wouldn’t be able to have children, but God has given me 3 beautiful children! I had to take hold of the new me and let go of the old. Now you have to do the same.

Work it out:

Take some time, sit quietly and go back to your past, this time, knowing that Jesus is with you. Let Him minister to your heart. He never meant for us to experience sex outside of what He created it for. He knew that doing so would cause tremendous hurt and pain. Going back for me, I learned that I couldn’t blame myself for what I didn’t know. I couldn’t blame my mom for what she didn’t know. I don’t care what anyone says, ignorance is not bliss. God let me know that He loved me so much and that His plans for me are so much greater than my pain. Through this process, take time to write out these scriptures and meditate on them throughout the week. Begin to commit them to memory.

  1. Philippians 3:12-13
  2. 1 Corinthians 5: 17
  3. Matthew 11:28-30
  4. Psalm 139 (I know it’s long but if you don’t want to write the entire thing, pick the verses that speak to you the most)
  5. Jeremiah 19:11
  6. 1 John 1:9
  7. Isaiah 43:18-19
  8. Galatians 2:20
  9. 2 Corinthians 3:17

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who decides to take on this challenge and that you will give them the strength they need to press through. Bring to their remembrance experiences that they need to lay at the foot of the Cross that they may press forward towards all that you have for them! Father, begin to replace the lies that they believe about themselves with your beautiful truths. In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any othre scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

How do I NOT Have Sex?

So, you’ve decided to stop having sex outside of marriage but man, seriously, those urges didn’t just up and disappear because you said yes to God, right? If anything, in some instances, they’ve probably gotten worse, right? Yeah, I know. Well, there are some things you must understand first in order to be successful in your walk of purity.

First, you have to understand that this is a spiritual battle. It’s not just against your fleshly desires. Second, there’s no way on this earth that you can walk this walk alone. Third, realizing that something in you has been awakened prematurely and only God can put it back to sleep. And fourth, this will require some work on your part as well.

What in the world am I talking about? Well, I’ll tell you a few things, without typing a dissertation:

Contrary to what we’ve all been told, sex, including oral, was reserved for marriage.  A gift from God to married couples.  We see evidence of this act in the book of Genesis (Genesis 4:1). Sex was also created by God. Which means, He knows why He created it and what happens when it’s done outside of why it was created. God meant for sex to be good and pleasurable and this is what gets us into trouble.  We all agree that it’s good and pleasurable! Guess who also knows this about sex? Satan. Remember I said that this is a spiritual battle (Ephesians 6:10-18). Satan has succeeded in perverting this act and taking it out of the context of why it was created therefore instead of sex being a blessing for marriage and procreation, it has become a curse because it has been abused and the marriage bed defiled.

Now, on to why you still want sex. You still want it because you’ve been awakened in this area and because the power of sex is not easily shaken.  It’s binding, sex joins you to another person, you become one with this person. Sounds familiar? Yes because this is what happens in marriage (Genesis 2: 23-24). In the Bible we are warned in Song of Solomon (2:7) not to awaken love before its time and not just sex but allowing someone to become so intimate with you emotionally as well. For women, this is how we are taken down. Our emotions! Ok…….

  1. If you haven’t done so, soul ties that have been formed with anyone you’ve had sex with must be broken.

From Pastor Chris Simpson, New Wine Christian Fellowship http://www.newwineonline.com:  

STEPS TO BREAKING UNGODLY SOUL TIES:

  • Confess any and all ungodly ties to the Lord. Repent from your heart for violating God’s ordained boundaries in your relationships.
  • Make a solemn commitment to the Lord to break off any relationship that is not pure or righteous in His eyes. Become accountable to others to help you keep that commitment. Until you do that, any prayers for freedom are in vain. I’ve actually had people ask me to break their unhealthy soul ties so that when they got together again (in their illicit relationship), they wouldn’t feel all those bad spirits. However, God is not mocked. Reinforce your requests to the Lord with a commitment to obey.
  • Before praying, do whatever is necessary for the anointing of the Holy Spirit to come. This is so important. Pray, wait, forgive, or worship. Once His presence and anointing is present, then proceed with the soul tie breaking prayer. It’s the anointing that breaks the yoke. The ties won’t break with a simple prayer from the mind. The anointed power of the Holy Spirit must be present to be effective.

SOUL TIE BREAKING PRAYER 

“In the name of Jesus Christ I now renounce, break and loose myself from all demonic subjection and any ungodly soul ties and unhealthy bondings with the following people: (break soul ties with each person that comes to mind)”

“Lord, I ask you to do whatever it takes to break me of my tendencies to: obsessive preoccupations, domination, control, passivity, apathy, unforgiveness, anger, blame, accusations, fear, intimidation and disobedience in relationships.”

“Finally, in the name of Jesus, I declare every demonic hold in my life that has come as a result of unhealthy soul ties null and void. Satan, I renounce you and your demons and command you to depart from my spirit, soul and body!”

  1. Once the ties have been broken, check your circle. Who do you hang with? Are they trying to walk the same walk as you? If not, then you might need to break up with them too!
  2. What are you watching, reading, listening to? All of this plays a part in the success of walking in purity. Purity is more than not having sex, it’s making sure that our heart and mind lines up with the word of God. If you’re watching things like Being Mary Jane, Scandal and Love and Hip Hop, then you’ll likely be influenced by these shows.  Without going too far down the rabbit trail, Satan was once Lucifer, Archangel of worship, had a beautiful voice, etc, so because of his pride he was kicked out of heaven. Satan wants to be God, and he wants us to worship him, not God so certain types of music, turn our hearts to sinful desires and not to worship and glorify God. Music is powerful! Notice how you react when you listen to certain types, same goes for TV shows. The Bible tells us to take certain thoughts and ideas captive (2 Corinthians 5:10) The Bible also tells us that once we are set free through Christ, make sure that we stay free and not get tied up again (Galatians 5:1, 13)
  3. As I said before, you can’t walk this walk alone. Have people who will hold you accountable and that you trust to be transparent with. Transparency is key! Most importantly, have a RELATIONSHIP with God. Holy Spirit was sent to guide us and comfort us. Don’t ignore Him or forget about Him. Our flesh is constantly warring with our spirit and sometimes the battle is just too hard for us to fight. The Bible says “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves” (Galatians 5:16). Remember that even if you find yourself in a compromising situation, God always provides a way out, you just have to take it! (1 Corinthians 10:12-13)

There’s temptation everywhere at any given time.  We all know this. We have to learn how to navigate through this mess. We can’t see everything that’s coming at us but God can.  You may still have sexual urges but they don’t have to rule you. The Bible tells us to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). When you don’t have the energy or “want to” to flee, pray, I guarantee you, God will show up. Do you trust God to help you with this? You have to surrender your sex life to Him. Trust Him to bring along the one He chose for you. Also, if you do fall, repent, get up and keep fighting.  Don’t condemn yourself because God doesn’t condemn you. He wants you to have His best. Don’t settle just because you’re horny. Find some emergency verses, an item that will remind you that you can do this, remind you of why you’re doing this, whether it’s a purity ring or bracelet (such as our signature bracelet :-)). Have some emergency phone numbers too. Know what your triggers are. If Valentine’s day is a trigger, make plans with friends or family so that you can head off temptation to fall back into old habits.  God will honor and bless your efforts! Don’t forget to do your part! God will handle what you can’t! Feel free to share anything that’s helped you as well!

Be blessed and encouraged,

Shannon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories

Savin’ it for Hubby Signature Bracelet!

 

This hand crafted bracelet is made with faceted black agate stones with a pave’ crystal accent and fashioned with an acrylic heart shaped charm with the initials “sifh”.

This bracelet is for women young, old, married or single. This bracelet is meant to serve as a stylish reminder for single women that they are worth more and if they’re ever in a compromising situation that they can’t lose by saving themselves for their future husbands and seeing themselves as God does, beautiful, priceless, His!

For married women, this unique bracelet can serve as a reminder in the good times to save themselves, their time and energy for their husbands. And for when things are bad and the desire to compromise their marriage, that they can’t go wrong with trusting God to work things out for them.

This bracelet is simply stylish and serves as a great accent piece to any outfit, day or night!

Savin’ it for Hubby’s Mission is to teach women young and old, single or married, God’s truth about their value, worth and sexuality!

Click here to order!

 

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

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Attracting Adam

attracting adam

 

 

 

 

 

HI!!

I pray that you all are well! I’m guest posting on my dear sister LaTanya Quinn’s blog for her ministry, LaTanya Quinn Ministries for a series called The Married and Single Series. You definitely want to check out the wisdom that has been shared thus far as well as the article written by yours truly – Attracting Adam.  Praying you’re blessed and will draw closer to the lover of our souls!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

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Soapbox Moment!

Ok, ladies….(big sigh) I know some of you are tired of being single and are really wanting companionship. I know some of you may be in a relationship and you’re settling for Mr. No Good all because you want to be in a relationship and for the sake of saying that you have a “man” and I use the term “man” very loosely! A man does NOT beat you, curse at you, verbally abuse you, treat you like crap, manipulate you, threaten you, use you, destroy your life and make things worse than they have to be or take advantage of you!!! You are God’s daughter, His beloved! God delights in you! He Loves you beyond measure! He has a MAN set aside for you, but first God must become your man!! Your value and worth comes from Him not a man! Stop settling and taking crap! You were created for more!!! You are stronger and wiser than you think! Stop letting fear run your life! God didn’t give you a spirit of fear but of a sound mind! Get up and leave him alone! GOD WILL DEFINITELY TAKE CARE OF YOU! But, only if you allow Him to. He’s not forceful, He’s love and perfect love casts out all fear, there’s no fear in love. God doesn’t condemn but has compassion and He’s waiting to love on you the way you deserve to be loved! Trust God, not man!!
Ok, I’m done now…<3

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Dating: Helpful or Harmful?

When I was single, I couldn’t wait for my next date.  To be wined and dined and doted on and have whomever the lucky guy was undivided attention.  Each date led to something being revealed that I didn’t like about the guy or I found out he was just in it for sex.  Unfortunately, I gave in which led to more problems than I care to admit.  Dating supposedly is set up to see if we’re compatible with someone, and we all want to make sure we’re compatible but really all it does is feed a spirit of discontentment.  I feel that it contributes to the high rate of divorce.  It teaches us that if we get married and the guy does something we don’t like, we just divorce them and move on.  Marriage is a covenant relationship, not a contract.  You become one when you get married.  Why is it so easy for some people to divorce themselves? It’s because they went into the marriage with the wrong idea or no idea about marriage.  Some are just in love with the idea of marriage and totally are not prepared for what happens after “I do”. More on this later, now back to dating.

Follow me for a moment.  When you date, your ultimate goal is to find your spouse, right? Well, I’m married now and I LOVE my husband but let me tell you, marriage can be hard.  It’s a lot of work.  There are days that I don’t like my husband, or he’ll do or say something that I don’t like or hurt my feelings (he’s a man and he’s human, it’s going to happen in marriage, trust me!) or I may say or do something that ticks him off (which does happen in marriage, trust me!). As I said before, satan is watching and waiting for an opportunity to pounce.  On a bad day, if you’re not taking your thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), memories of guys from your past will pop up.  Your mind will begin to wonder and things you’ve done with him, things he’s said to you, how he made you feel, how he touched you or kissed you.  Then, you start to look at your hubby and start comparing and wondering….why doesn’t he make me feel like such and such, or why doesn’t he do this, say this, or act this way.  This happens! Marriage is beautiful but you will be tested! As I’ve said before, the enemy doesn’t fight fair.

Dating to find your “soul mate” is not the way to go.  It sets you up for failure.  You won’t get to your future hubby any faster. Let God do that for you.  If you do, when you get married, you will have less ammo for the enemy to use against you. That’s why God gave us His word, so that we will know what to do.  He gave it to us for our protection. He knows that the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy.  Don’t give in to what feels good or looks good now. Think about your future and what you really want and act accordingly.

When I met my hubby, we were in college.  He moved in with me, we “shacked up” and boy did God get our attention.  We both grew up where everyone we knew lived with others married or not.  We started going to church together and learned the truth.  Not long after he moved in, I lost my job, he was in a car accident and totaled his car, my car broke down and I didn’t have the money to get it fixed, and then we were evicted! God provided wise counsel and we were told that we needed to either get married or not live together.  So hubby and I prayed and God led the way.  He provided all that we needed; the rings, my dress, venue.  God totally worked it out.  When you get in line with His vision and do things His way, He will definitely take care of you and make a way but you have to trust Him.

So, what’s the alternative to dating.  Prayer and hanging out or going out in groups.  God will show you and lead you through the rest.  If your future hubby is in that group, God will work it out so that you can get to know each other better.  Just trust Him, trust Him, trust Him!!!

I found a more in-depth article on dating here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon