In my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship. I had a different guy for every aspect of my life. One guy who was truly just a friend that I could hang out with, then there was the guy who took care of my emotional needs and then there was the guy who took care of my physical needs. Neither guy had the total package of what I thought I needed or wanted in a man at the time so all three combined seemingly fed my wounded soul. Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because at the time, I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need. God was just God, no major significance to the decisions I made. But once God finally got His hands on me, once I finally submitted, my world was turned upside down!
I met my husband when I was in college and still straddling the fence with God. I knew God was calling me but I wasn’t ready to heed the call. Before we became husband and wife, we lived together and God made it clear as day that us living together outside of marriage was not His plan! He made it very clear! (To read the story, check out my book, Love, Jesus, Sex: Experiences & Lessons Learned) Once we found out that we were out of the will of God, He led us down the path to getting right with Him and after two years of being together we got married.
Now, going back to my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what every single lady does when she’s ready to mingle, I went out to find me a man! The Error? Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man. This is the total opposite of His Word. His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam by God Himself (Genesis 2:22). Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the world’s way of thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word. So not true!
To the real Christian woman, it is my hope that you want to attract the godliness in a man, not lust, right? Lust dies, sometimes very quickly and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is…RESPECT! Yes! Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to keep a godly man. Why? Because this is not, was not how God intended relationships to be in the first place.
Go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in chapter 2 verses 22 through 23. First, God took a part of Adam that was unique to him, and from that unique rib, created a woman for Adam. God used a rib which is used to protect mans most vital organs, and from that came Eve. Please catch the significance of this! You, custom-made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God! Now, before you’re placed by Adam’s side, there’s something that you have to do, woman of God. You have to step back, submit, and allow GOD to form, shape and mold you. Once the process is done, then and only then will God present you to your Adam. Trying to buck this system ends in ERROR!
Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinions or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him. Which is another reason you as a single lady need to step back and let God be God and let Him finish working on and in you and your Adam. God’s breath is needed for any relationship to work! If you’re trying to get a man that’s not had or doesn’t have the breath or word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you and won’t know what to do with you. He’ll only respond to you in a lustful and immature way! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.
So, my dear single sister, stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him, yes especially the job of trying to find a man. Work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Then when it’s time to be side by side with Adam it will feel like a blessing and not a curse!
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If you need a little help in getting free from the baggage of old relationships, or needing to know who you are in Christ or need a complete mind change when it comes to sex and purity then my FREE online course HEALED might just be the clean start that you need!
Be Blessed & Encouraged,