Before we get started:
- Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
- Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
- Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
- Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!
Scripture: Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
There is this very huge misunderstanding that sex equals love. It so does not! If only I’d learned this in my teen years. Sex outside of marriage, “good” sex outside of marriage, clouds your vision, makes you feel as if you’re in love but all it does is blind you to the things that you really need to pay attention too. For instance, my hubby and I had sex with others and each other before we were married. It wasn’t until after we were married that all of our junk came out. Did you catch that? Marriage has a way of bringing all of your junk to the surface. I truly believe the reason some marriages don’t work is because when the junk comes to the surface, instead of people dealing with it and offering mercy and grace, they run and sadly in some cases, they take the junk with them to the next relationship. Again, marriage doesn’t erase your past!
My sexual brokenness is what brought me to full surrender to God. I couldn’t deal with the pain. The more I learned about God, His heart for me, His purpose and reason for creating sex, I realized what a mess I was! I felt so much guilt and shame. Well, why, Shannon, why did you feel this? It’s just sex right? WRONG! Sex is not just sex! Never was, never is, never will be. Sex is an act of worship. Yes, think about it, it’s powerful isn’t it? Women use it to get what they want, or to validate who they are as a woman because of their physical attributes. Men use it to make them feel like a man, as if they’ve conquered or accomplished something based on how much sex they can get. Satan uses it to destroy us. But God created it to create life. Sex has the power to create life! That’s power!
God tells us in His Word to work at all things as unto Him (Colossians 3:23-24). Not only this but to offer our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, which is the way to truly worship Him. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him (NLT).
Growing up I was never taught this! I wasn’t even taught to value myself, only to not get pregnant. So I worshipped the enemy with my body. I praised my flesh, I gave in. Ungodly soul ties were formed. Heartbreak happened almost to the point of my destruction. But God! He sent Jesus to save me and you! Praise God for this! I am redeemed and restored and am able to enjoy sex freely as God intended with my husband. My husband, the only one who truly deserves to know me intimately. The thing I regret the most is that my husband was not my first. No one else deserved that honor, that privilege. Again, thank God for Jesus!
Path to Healing:
How did I deal with the lies that I’d believed about sex? Finding out the truth of course! The truth will set you free! (John 8:32). I have found that some married women find it hard to have sex with their husbands because they haven’t dealt with their own pasts and have believed the lies that they’ve been taught about sex. Some have been taught that sex is nasty, you’re not supposed to enjoy it, there are certain things you shouldn’t do in the marriage bed even though God says the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I struggled with believing that because of my past, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy sex in marriage and I also believed that I wasn’t supposed to do certain things because “God was watching”! I’m so very glad that I found out that these were lies! Sex in the covenant of marriage is beyond beautiful! I understand why God created it for marriage. It allows you and your spouse to communicate in ways that words can’t express! There’s freedom in being vulnerable with the one God has blessed you to be with, your union has been blessed by Him. He sees what you’re doing and He’s pleased, not repulsed and not grieved! Sex outside of marriage grieves the Holy Spirit! And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. (NLT) Sex within marriage helps you through rough times, it’s like glue, it helps to keep you together, bonding and sealing your relationship. I will say this, the enemy works hard to get you to have sex outside of marriage and he works hard to get you to NOT have sex when you’re married. Another trick he uses to destroy marriages.
I had to think about all the lies that I’d been told and I had to totally renew my mind about sex.
Lies I believed:
- Sex was nasty and not to be enjoyed
- You have to have sex with someone to get them to love you
- Sex wasn’t important to God
- I could do what I wanted and not have to worry about the consequences as long as I didn’t get pregnant
- Sex had to be done a certain way, a performance, like what’s seen in porn
- Sex was for anyone who wanted it, no other requirements, stipulations or consequences
- Sex was created by God for married couples because anything He created, He calls it good. (Genesis 5:2)
- Sex is very important to God which is why in several scriptures we are warned of the consequences of sex outside of marriage. (see scriptures below)
- Porn is the absolute last place one should be getting ideas or learning about sex. It’s demonic and not of God!
Work it out:
1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
What does this mean to you, for you? Holy Spirit lives in us so we should be extra careful of what we allow to enter our bodies mentally, physically and spiritually. What are some things/people who you need to change/let go of? Do you need to get help with help with a porn addiction? Do you need to cut off unhealthy relationships? Break some soul ties? Write down your own wrong and unhealthy thoughts about sex and find out what God has to say about them. Don’t know where to start? Pray and ask God for wisdom and He will give it to you freely! Below I’ve listed scriptures and links to a few resources to get your started. I pray that you will take advantage of what’s offered and go forth in getting the healing that you need.
Porn Addiction: https://www.xxxchurch.com/
Tips on not having sex and breaking soul ties: How Not to Have Sex
- Hebrews 13:4
- 1 Corinthians 16:9
- 2 Timothy 2:22
- Galatians 5:16
- Colossians 3:23-24
- Romans 8:1
- Romans 12:1-2
- 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
- 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
- 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
- 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
- 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
- Galatians 5:1
- Galatians 5:19-21
- 1 Corinthians 7:5
Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin. I pray for every person who’s dealing with their sexuality whether single or married. I pray you will restore and rejuvenate the marriage bed of the marriages represented here. I pray that you would heal both spouses in this area and that their marriage would thrive and be a testimony of your greatness! I pray that all lies of sex be removed and destroyed and replaced with your truth! I pray for ungodly soul ties to be broken, porn addictions and other unhealthy addictions healed in the name of Jesus! I pray that Your truth about sex will overcome all the lies told us by the enemy! I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen
I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!
Be blessed & encouraged,