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Error of the Single Woman

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In my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship.  I had a different guy for every aspect of my life.  One guy who was truly just a friend that I could hang out with, then there was the guy who took care of my emotional needs and then there was the guy who took care of my physical needs.  Neither guy had the total package of what I thought I needed or wanted in a man at the time so all three combined seemingly fed my wounded soul. Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because at the time, I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need. God was just God, no major significance to the decisions I made.  But once God finally got His hands on me, once I finally submitted, my world was turned upside down!

I met my husband when I was in college and still straddling the fence with God. I knew God was calling me but I wasn’t ready to heed the call.  Before we became husband and wife, we lived together and God made it clear as day that us living together outside of marriage was not His plan! He made it very clear! (To read the story, check out my book, Love, Jesus, Sex: Experiences & Lessons Learned) Once we found out that we were out of the will of God, He led us down the path to getting right with Him and after two years of being together we got married.

Now, going back to my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what every single lady does when she’s ready to mingle, I went out to find me a man! The Error? Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man.  This is the total opposite of His Word. His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam by God Himself (Genesis 2:22). Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the world’s way of thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word.  So not true!

To the real Christian woman, it is my hope that you want to attract the godliness in a man, not lust, right?  Lust dies, sometimes very quickly and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is…RESPECT! Yes! Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to keep a godly man. Why? Because this is not, was not how God intended relationships to be in the first place.

Go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in chapter 2 verses 22 through 23. First, God took a part of Adam that was unique to him, and from that unique rib, created a woman for Adam. God used a rib which is used to protect mans most vital organs, and from that came Eve. Please catch the significance of this! You, custom-made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God! Now, before you’re placed by Adam’s side, there’s something that you have to do, woman of God. You have to step back, submit, and allow GOD to form, shape and mold you. Once the process is done, then and only then will God present you to your Adam. Trying to buck this system ends in ERROR!

Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinions or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him.  Which is another reason you as a single lady need to step back and let God be God and let Him finish working on and in you and your Adam. God’s breath is needed for any relationship to work! If you’re trying to get a man that’s not had or doesn’t have the breath or word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you and won’t know what to do with you.  He’ll only respond to you in a lustful and immature way! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.

So, my dear single sister, stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him, yes especially the job of trying to find a man.  Work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Then when it’s time to be side by side with Adam it will feel like a blessing and not a curse!

If you would like to hang out and chat with like-minded ladies who are trusting God to prepare them for their Adam, feel free to join our private community here on Facebook or follow me on Facebook for daily encouragement here.

If you need a little help in getting free from the baggage of old relationships, or needing to know who you are in Christ or need a complete mind change when it comes to sex and purity then my FREE online course HEALED might just be the clean start that you need!

Be Blessed & Encouraged,

Shannon

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Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Sex is Just Sex, Right? (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

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Scripture: Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)  Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

There is this very huge misunderstanding that sex equals love. It so does not! If only I’d learned this in my teen years. Sex outside of marriage, “good” sex outside of marriage, clouds your vision, makes you feel as if you’re in love but all it does is blind you to the things that you really need to pay attention too. For instance, my hubby and I had sex with others and each other before we were married. It wasn’t until after we were married that all of our junk came out. Did you catch that? Marriage has a way of bringing all of your junk to the surface.  I truly believe the reason some marriages don’t work is because when the junk comes to the surface, instead of people dealing with it and offering mercy and grace, they run and sadly in some cases, they take the junk with them to the next relationship. Again, marriage doesn’t erase your past!

My sexual brokenness is what brought me to full surrender to God. I couldn’t deal with the pain. The more I learned about God, His heart for me, His purpose and reason for creating sex, I realized what a mess I was! I felt so much guilt and shame. Well, why, Shannon, why did you feel this? It’s just sex right? WRONG! Sex is not just sex! Never was, never is, never will be. Sex is an act of worship. Yes, think about it, it’s powerful isn’t it? Women use it to get what they want, or to validate who they are as a woman because of their physical attributes. Men use it to make them feel like a man, as if they’ve conquered or accomplished something based on how much sex they can get. Satan uses it to destroy us. But God created it to create life. Sex has the power to create life! That’s power!

God tells us in His Word to work at all things as unto Him (Colossians 3:23-24). Not only this but to offer our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, which is the way to truly worship Him. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him (NLT). 

Growing up I was never taught this! I wasn’t even taught to value myself, only to not get pregnant. So I worshipped the enemy with my body. I praised my flesh, I gave in. Ungodly soul ties were formed. Heartbreak happened almost to the point of my destruction. But God! He sent Jesus to save me and you! Praise God for this! I am redeemed and restored and am able to enjoy sex freely as God intended with my husband. My husband, the only one who truly deserves to know me intimately. The thing I regret the most is that my husband was not my first. No one else deserved that honor, that privilege. Again, thank God for Jesus!


Path to Healing:

How did I deal with the lies that I’d believed about sex? Finding out the truth of course! The truth will set you free! (John 8:32). I have found that some married women find it hard to have sex with their husbands because they haven’t dealt with their own pasts and have believed the lies that they’ve been taught about sex. Some have been taught that sex is nasty, you’re not supposed to enjoy it, there are certain things you shouldn’t do in the marriage bed even though God says the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I struggled with believing that because of my past, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy sex in marriage and I also believed that I wasn’t supposed to do certain things because “God was watching”! I’m so very glad that I found out that these were lies! Sex in the covenant of marriage is beyond beautiful! I understand why God created it for marriage. It allows you and your spouse to communicate in ways that words can’t express! There’s freedom in being vulnerable with the one God has blessed you to be with, your union has been blessed by Him. He sees what you’re doing and He’s pleased, not repulsed and not grieved! Sex outside of marriage grieves the Holy Spirit! And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. (NLT) Sex within marriage helps you through rough times, it’s like glue, it helps to keep you together, bonding and sealing your relationship. I will say this, the enemy works hard to get you to have sex outside of marriage and he works hard to get you to NOT have sex when you’re married. Another trick he uses to destroy marriages. 

I had to think about all the lies that I’d been told and I had to totally renew my mind about sex.

Lies I believed:

  • Sex was nasty and not to be enjoyed
  • You have to have sex with someone to get them to love you
  • Sex wasn’t important to God
  • I could do what I wanted and not have to worry about the consequences as long as I didn’t get pregnant
  • Sex had to be done a certain way, a performance, like what’s seen in porn
  • Sex was for anyone who wanted it, no other requirements, stipulations or consequences

Truth:

  • Sex was created by God for married couples because anything He created, He calls it good. (Genesis 5:2)
  • Sex is very important to God which is why in several scriptures we are warned of the consequences of sex outside of marriage. (see scriptures below)
  • Porn is the absolute last place one should be getting ideas or learning about sex. It’s demonic and not of God!

Work it out:

1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

What does this mean to you, for you? Holy Spirit lives in us so we should be extra careful of what we allow to enter our bodies mentally, physically and spiritually. What are some things/people who you need to change/let go of? Do you need to get help with help with a porn addiction? Do you need to cut off unhealthy relationships? Break some soul ties? Write down your own wrong and unhealthy thoughts about sex and find out what God has to say about them. Don’t know where to start? Pray and ask God for wisdom and He will give it to you freely! Below I’ve listed scriptures and links to a few resources to get your started. I pray that you will take advantage of what’s offered and go forth in getting the healing that you need.

Resources:

Porn Addiction: https://www.xxxchurch.com/

Tips on not having sex and breaking soul ties: How Not to Have Sex

Scriptures:

  1. Hebrews 13:4
  2. 1 Corinthians 16:9
  3. 2 Timothy 2:22
  4. Galatians 5:16
  5. Colossians 3:23-24
  6. Romans 8:1
  7. Romans 12:1-2
  8. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
  9. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
  10. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
  11. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
  12. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
  13. Galatians 5:1
  14. Galatians 5:19-21
  15. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with their sexuality whether single or married. I pray you will restore and rejuvenate the marriage bed of the marriages represented here. I pray that you would heal both spouses in this area and that their marriage would thrive and be a testimony of your greatness! I pray that all lies of sex be removed and destroyed and replaced with your truth! I pray for ungodly soul ties to be broken, porn addictions and other unhealthy addictions healed in the name of Jesus! I pray that Your truth about sex will overcome all the lies told us by the enemy! I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

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Attracting Adam

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HI!!

I pray that you all are well! I’m guest posting on my dear sister LaTanya Quinn’s blog for her ministry, LaTanya Quinn Ministries for a series called The Married and Single Series. You definitely want to check out the wisdom that has been shared thus far as well as the article written by yours truly – Attracting Adam.  Praying you’re blessed and will draw closer to the lover of our souls!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon