Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Identity Crisis (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

identity-crisis-banner

 

Scripture: 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.


We were both fresh out of college when we got married. We were all lovey dovey and couldn’t stand to be away from each other. Then time passes, and the reality sinks in that you actually have to start doing life together, real life things like budget, pay bills, communicate. Before long, things started to get a little rocky. All of a sudden marriage didn’t look like I thought it would or should. All of my expectations weren’t being met, Hubby wasn’t being my knight in shining armor. He wasn’t telling me how fine and beautiful I was every day, or being affectionate everyday. He didn’t bring home flowers, and chocolates. He didn’t make me feel special, loved or needed everyday. In order for me to feel loved and cherished I needed this meer man to make me feel special because that’s what I expected and that’s what I needed him to do to make me feel secure and not doubt that I deserved to be married and to be loved unconditionally.  I needed him to do all these things every day so that I wouldn’t feel guilt and shame from my past and to some how prove to myself that I was worthy of love and valuable.

Looking back, this is what I expected from all my past relationships. I craved the attention and affection. My home life was so full of dysfunction and unpredictable circumstances, not the stability and security that a young girl needed. I wasn’t getting attention and affection from home from my mom and my dad was killed before I’d been born. There was no daily healthy affirmation or confirmation of who I was. So I sought the attention and affection elsewhere. I knew that my mom loved me but she had so many of her own demons to fight that she couldn’t fully give us what we needed, she couldn’t give what she didn’t have herself. If one guy wasn’t attentive enough, there was always another guy and another guy who was always available to make me feel beautiful, wanted, attractive and loved, special.  I thrived on the attention! The more attention I got, the more I felt validated and it took away from the hurt and pain that I had to deal with at home. It got even worse when I was in college. By then I was utterly boy crazy! I was so depressed from my past and I just covered it up with sex and all the attention I could get.

Well, this behavior played out in my marriage. Hubby and I didn’t get proper premarital counseling, we went in to marriage blindly, like sheep led to slaughter! We got what Hubby and I like to call “bootleg” counseling. The church we were attending at the time didn’t have any kind of marriage or premarital classes or counseling. We met with our pastor for about an hour. He asked all of five questions and when he found out we were living together, the only thing he told us was to stop having sex, not telling us why, and that we needed to get married sooner rather than later. So, we did, we got married and a few months later all hell broke loose!

I was expecting my husband to be my savior. My redeemer, the one to restore me and he couldn’t because that’s not his job. He needed someone to do and be the same for him and I couldn’t because that’s not my job either. Only Jesus can do this. We both came into marriage broken, battered and bruised filled with the pain and baggage from our pasts. He didn’t know who he was in Christ and neither did I so we put these unrealistic expectations on each other. You can’t be broken and get with another broken person and expect them to make you whole. No other human on this earth can complete you, ever. That’s not what humans are to do, only Jesus completes us. That’s why no matter how much sex, drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, attention you get or have, you’re never fulfilled. There’s a place in us only meant to be filled with Jesus and Jesus alone.

Path to Healing:

After some time, Hubby and I went to counseling and dealt with some of our past issues and learned how to work with each other. We also began to learn who we were in Christ. Throughout this journey, God called me to teach His truth about sex and during this journey He healed me as well. By replacing the lies with the truth, I was healed. My husband couldn’t and didn’t heal me, Jesus did. My husband isn’t responsible for my happiness and neither are my children, I am. People will come and go, will hurt you, try to break you, discourage you, knock you down, talk about you, wear you down, but Jesus won’t! All these things I experienced growing up because no one taught me who I was in Christ. I only heard of God here and there, but never about Jesus dying for my sins, my healing and wholeness and that I can be co-heirs with Him and be a child of God! Since I didn’t know these things, I went searching to fill this void in all the wrong places. Again I say, ignorance is NOT bliss. The things I did when I was young followed me into my marriage. My getting married didn’t make my hurts, pains, and flaws go away, they were just magnified! God uses marriage to draw things out of us and man is it painful sometimes.  I’m always amazed at how my husband knows exactly what button to push and how God shows me something about myself that I need to let Him in to heal or that I need to work on. Once I learned that I am God’s treasured possession, His daughter, the one He takes delight in, His child that’s fearfully and wonderfully made, I was able to relax and enjoy my marriage more! When my husband was being very human, it was easy to forgive him because I understood that he’s human and that God is working on him just like He’s working on me. My husband needed to have his junk uprooted too. So, knowing these things, it became easier to extend mercy and grace towards one another.

Work it out:

Not to say that you will be perfect going in to marriage, but BEFORE you get married, deal with you now! Learn who you are in Christ so that you won’t go into marriage with all these unrealistic expectations that will only put your marriage in crisis mode. You need Jesus now and you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! If you’re already married and things are already in crisis mode, focus on getting your heart right. Don’t look at what your husband is or isn’t doing. Let God handle Him, you focus on what God is telling you to work on.

Now, I want you to write down some of the lies that you believe about yourself or circumstances and then beside each one, write truth. For instance, for me it was not feeling worthy or valued, so my go to scripture was Psalm 37:23 (NLT) The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights (takes pleasure) in every detail of their lives. Just knowing that God took pleasure in every detail about my life blessed my heart! I didn’t have to worry about anyone else, because I knew that my Father cared about me. Below are some scriptures to get you started. Take time to write them out, meditate on them and use them to replace the lies and learn who you are in Christ! 

  1. Romans 12:2
  2. Psalm 37:23
  3. 1 Peter 2:9
  4. Psalm 94:19
  5. Romans 6:6
  6. Deuteronomy 7:6
  7. 2 Corinthians 3:17
  8. Isaiah 62:3
  9. Galatians 3:26
  10. Ephesians 2:10
  11. Psalm 139:14
  12. Song of Songs 4:7
  13. 1 Samuel 16:7
  14. Proverbs 31:30

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with an identity crisis. Father I pray that you begin to show them who You created them to be. Show them how You see them. Father I pray that you will replace the lies told them by the enemy and replace them with Your truth. I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

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Categories

Of Highest Regard

Bracelet pure messgaeHi!! So in the next 4 days of the Scripture Writing Plan, we’re taking a little trip to the Old Testament.  I included these scriptures because I wanted us to take a look at just how seriously sexual sin was taken during this time.  Virginity was held in very high regard and was what defined a woman, and determined her eligibility for marriage. All parties were held accountable, the young woman, her parents, the man and even the elders of the city. Virginity was a big deal and being found not having her “virginity” intact was a disgrace to the woman and her family.

During this period of time, the bedding that was used during the wedding night, was kept by her parents as proof of her fidelity.  The blood showed proof that her husband was her first sexual partner because of her hymen that was broken during their first sexual experience.  Once this was examined and proved by the elders of the city, the husband was fined because he accused her of not being a virgin or not satisfying him anymore, therefore giving her a bad name.

God gave the responsibility of protection to the men, her father and her husband.  Before marriage, it is the duty of the parents to protect the purity of their family, especially the man. How terribly different our world is today!! There’s no regard for purity, virginity at all! None! Our men are taken out by various sins, hurts and ignorance, never truly knowing the great call that has been placed on their lives as priests and protectors.

I won’t go into too much detail because I want Holy Spirit to reveal much to you and I pray that we as daughters of the King come to understand just how strongly God feels about us, about our purity, bodies, how precious virginity is.  For some of us, not knowing this has caused us to learn a lot of things the hard way but praise God it’s never too late to start treasuring our bodies and thank Him for redemption and restoration!! It is now our responsibility walk worthy and accordingly and teach our sisters and daughters the TRUTH of who they are and were created to be! I look forward to hearing what revelation you get on this journey!!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

The Power of Jesus

Mark 1:23-24, 34

23 Suddenly, a man in the synagogue who was possessed by an evil[h] spirit began shouting, 24 “Why are you interfering with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!”

25 Jesus cut him short. “Be quiet! Come out of the man,” he ordered. 26 At that, the evil spirit screamed, threw the man into a convulsion, and then came out of him.

34 So Jesus healed many people who were sick with various diseases, and he cast out many demons. But because the demons knew who he was, he did not allow them to speak.

So, I just started studying the book of Mark and just got an awesome but sobering revelation. In the above verses, Jesus has just arrived to Capernaum and on the Sabbath, being Jesus, shaking up all sorts of stuff, began teaching.  But of course, when the Word is about to go forth, the enemy shows up in this man. Now, verse 24 grabs me, the demons inside the man knew who Jesus was AND they knew that Jesus had the power and ability to destroy them!!!!!!!!!!! They knew that Jesus is the Holy One of God! Why this has never stuck out to me like this before me is crazy but the demons knew who he was and knew what Jesus was capable of. The sobering fact is that we, humans created in the image of God, God’s children, co-heirs with Jesus Christ himself, don’t KNOW who Jesus is and we certainly don’t know His power, but the demons do! OMG! So this just further shows why the enemy works so hard at keeping us deceived! The less we know about the power of Jesus, the more Satan can deceive us, keep us in bondage, keep us in sin, addictions, afflictions, sickness, doubting and questioning the power of God and His existence! Just to show how much power Jesus has over the enemy, in verse 34, Jesus casts out the demons and then doesn’t allow them to speak because the demons know who Jesus is!!! JESUS HAS POWER OVER DEMONS! Rejoice in this! Whatever “demon” you have or are battling with, Jesus is greater! There is truly power in the name of Jesus, don’t ever forget that or let the enemy talk you out of believing that! At the name of Jesus, demons flee!! If the demons know who Jesus is, shouldn’t you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

It’s Not Nasty!

birds and the bees

It’s back to school time and I know that some of you have children entering middle school/junior high, especially girls.  I bet that some of you haven’t had “the talk” with them either, have you? If you haven’t talked to your daughter and told her God’s truth about sex then I suggest you do it NOW! Before she steps foot in her school.  Do it before her little friends tell her lies and things that could get her into trouble.

I get it, it’s hard to think about telling your baby girl about sex, I have 2 little girls of my own.  My oldest is 9 and yes, we’ve had the talk, on her level, of course. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to, but she was reading her Bible one day, Genesis, and she read about Adam having sexual relations with Eve.  She asked what was sexual relations so I had to tell her, which I’m glad I did, because I was able to tell her the truth before anyone could come to her with lies.

I also realize that a lot of us have believed lies about sex all of our lives and it’s taken a while for us to get rid of the lies and embrace truth. The reality is that so many women still walk around believing lies and the lies follow them into their marriages and their marriages suffer and the women suffer. I know that I don’t want my daughters to go into their marriages with skewed views of sex so as they get older, I will reveal more truth and when they get married, they will be able to go into their marriages fully embracing and enjoying sex the way that God intended.

So, for those of you who are dreading “the talk” or don’t know where to start, I’m giving you a condensed list to start with. Maybe this list will help bring you into truth as well.

Truths About Sex:

1. Sex was created by God, as a gift for married couples; male and female. (Genesis 4:1)

2. Sex is beautiful when done in parameters which God set: marriage! (Hebrews 13:4)

3. Sex represents the intimate relationship that God wishes to have with us. (Song of Solomon)

4. Sex is meant to be like super glue for marriage, so if you’re having sex with someone you’re not married to, then guess what you’ve done? Glued yourself to some random guy!

5. Sex outside of marriage can be devastating. It has lasting emotional, psychological, spiritual and sometimes damaging physical consequences.

6. What happens to you now, sexually, can set the tone for your sexual relationship with your husband.

7. Sex creates soul ties.  Each time you have sex, you tie your soul to someone else.  Yes, you can be walking around  with your soul still tied to your ex, ex, ex, ex boyfriend! Soul ties cannot be broken without God!

8. Sexual immorality is a form of devil worship.

9. Sex outside of marriage separates us from God and keeps us from His best for our lives.  Sin separates and sexual immorality is sin and not pleasing to God.

10. SEX IS NOT NASTY! Do not tell your daughter that sex is nasty! She will grow up to be a woman who gets married and won’t be able to enjoy her husband all because she thinks that sex is nasty!

What we tell our young girls now about sex, shapes their future! If you have skewed views of sex, please seek healing. Don’t spread the lies to your daughter.  Don’t be afraid to tell her about your mistakes either.  Wouldn’t you rather she learned from your mistakes instead of her own especially concerning sex?

These are starting points that you can break down based on the age and maturity of your daughter. Pray before your talk and ask God for wisdom and guidance and don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know. Tell her what you do know and then for the answers you don’t have, you can go and find answers, truth, together.  The world, the enemy, isn’t holding back or sugar coating and neither should we.  Our kids are in the middle of war and we have to arm them with the truth.  If we won’t tell them God’s truth, the enemy is ready and willing to fill them with his lies!

sex talk

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Change

We all go through changes in our lives, some good, some bad.  Some much needed and some unexpected.  Change can bring us such great joy or it can feel as if our lives are falling apart, as if your heart is being ripped from your chest! Whether we like it or not, change is inevitable.

Over the past 3 years, my life has changed dramatically! I quit my job in 2010 because God said that it was time to go but I thought it was just to leave that particular job and go to another, but not so! Little did I know God had something else in store for me, something huge and beyond me! Something that would require my whole life to be changed, shaken and reformed! I’m still in preparation and right now the it doesn’t feel good at all!!! BUT, I know who’s in control and I know that He has me. If you’re a child of God and you have said “Lord, I surrender my life to you” then hold on for the ride of your life!

Jesus came to die for our sins, when we surrender our lives to Him, we die to our sins.  That death to our sins is not always easy but it’s necessary for our lives. The change can be painful at times but in the end it’s so good for us, it’s life for us.  But because we still have flesh, we die kicking and screaming because we don’t want to change because change doesn’t always feel good. We want what feels good, right?! God is more concerned about the development of our character and changing our hearts than our comfort.  He said He would never leave nor forsake us, but He never said that this journey would be easy.

We all have things about us that we need to change or would like to change, but it’s a great relief to know that we don’t have to go through the process of change alone.  God is patient and gentle with us, gently nudging us in the way we should go, shoot I know sometimes He’s had to drag me! But out of His great love, He changes us, gently and lovingly.  So if you’re in some stuff and you know you shouldn’t be or have somethings about you that you want to change, don’t worry about having to do it all by yourself because you can’t, that’s why Jesus died for us.  We are incapable, without Jesus.  He will help you! All you have to do is ask and obey! He didn’t come to condemn but to save and love us.  Talk to Him about the things you want to change, need to change but just can’t seem to do and trust Him to help you because He will, He’s just waiting on the invitation!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

So, You Messed Up…Again….

So, you messed up…again. Well, there is hope for those of us who have surrendered their life to Christ and accepted Him as Lord & Savior! Is Jesus YOUR Lord & Savior??

God’s Law Reveals Our Sin

7 Well then, am I suggesting that the law of God is sinful? Of course not! In fact, it was the law that showed me my sin. I would never have known that coveting is wrong if the law had not said, “You must not covet.”t8 But sin used this command to arouse all kinds of covetous desires within me! If there were no law, sin would not have that power.9 At one time I lived without understanding the law. But when I learned the command not to covet, for instance, the power of sin came to life,10 and I died. So I discovered that the law’s commands, which were supposed to bring life, brought spiritual death instead.11 Sin took advantage of those commands and deceived me; it used the commands to kill me.

12 But still, the law itself is holy, and its commands are holy and right and good.

13 But how can that be? Did the law, which is good, cause my death? Of course not! Sin used what was good to bring about my condemnation to death. So we can see how terrible sin really is. It uses God’s good commands for its own evil purposes.

Struggling with Sin

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good.

17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.t I want to do what is right, but I can’t.19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.

20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.22 I love God’s law with all my heart.23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?

25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

Romans, Chapter 8

Life in the Spirit

1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.2 And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.t So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

***Bible verses courtesy of http://www.youversion.com***

Categories

Ignore-rance

Ok, so I’m a Jill Scott fan, but I must say that her last cd troubles me  a bit especially the song “So Gone”. This is a prime example of why sex is reserved for marriage! Look at the mess sexual immorality creates! Throw in a tight beat and it looks and sounds all good, but it’s not! God has His reasons for reserving sex for marriage, I see it soooooo clearly now. I remember being in that mess! Giving in to the flesh knowing that it’s wrong and that in the end I will feel like crap or the guy is no good and you know that but, yet again, you give in to the flesh! The flesh and all our carnal desires mean us no good in the end! “Why does my body ignore what my mind says?” It does so because unless we have completely surrendered our lives to Christ, it’s impossible to resist temptation, flee immorality, take our thoughts captive, not put ourselves in tempting situations!!! In the flesh, we are powerless to do anything except give in to the flesh whether it be with sex, food, or shopping.  Giving in to our wants and desires when we know it’s not good for us, shows our ignorance.  Our ignorance to the fact that if you play with fire you will get burned!  Sin leads to death! You play around with it long enough, you will die.  I remember feeling this “death” in my heart when I gave myself to this guy who in the end tore my heart to pieces.  I remember thinking that he loves me, all is well, this is good, we’re growing we will be together, etc, but it didn’t happen that way.  And now looking back, THANK GOD!!!!!!! Had I not given my life to Christ, I would have let that incident rob me of my life and I would never have met my husband.  Operating in the ignorance of sin blocks alllllllll of the great and wonderful things that God has for us.  The best thing is to NOT allow yourself to get in a situation where you will be tempted to compromise your morals but if you find yourself there, God will ALWAYS provide a way out.  You just have to take it!!!!! Don’t ignore the ignorance any longer.  It’s not worth it.  I don’t care how good it looks on TV or how good the person looks on the outside, remember looks can be very deceiving!

Be blessed and encouraged,

Shannon