Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Sex is Just Sex, Right? (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

Why-sex-is-still-not-a-word-to-be-used-in-public-1

Scripture: Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)  Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

There is this very huge misunderstanding that sex equals love. It so does not! If only I’d learned this in my teen years. Sex outside of marriage, “good” sex outside of marriage, clouds your vision, makes you feel as if you’re in love but all it does is blind you to the things that you really need to pay attention too. For instance, my hubby and I had sex with others and each other before we were married. It wasn’t until after we were married that all of our junk came out. Did you catch that? Marriage has a way of bringing all of your junk to the surface.  I truly believe the reason some marriages don’t work is because when the junk comes to the surface, instead of people dealing with it and offering mercy and grace, they run and sadly in some cases, they take the junk with them to the next relationship. Again, marriage doesn’t erase your past!

My sexual brokenness is what brought me to full surrender to God. I couldn’t deal with the pain. The more I learned about God, His heart for me, His purpose and reason for creating sex, I realized what a mess I was! I felt so much guilt and shame. Well, why, Shannon, why did you feel this? It’s just sex right? WRONG! Sex is not just sex! Never was, never is, never will be. Sex is an act of worship. Yes, think about it, it’s powerful isn’t it? Women use it to get what they want, or to validate who they are as a woman because of their physical attributes. Men use it to make them feel like a man, as if they’ve conquered or accomplished something based on how much sex they can get. Satan uses it to destroy us. But God created it to create life. Sex has the power to create life! That’s power!

God tells us in His Word to work at all things as unto Him (Colossians 3:23-24). Not only this but to offer our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, which is the way to truly worship Him. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him (NLT). 

Growing up I was never taught this! I wasn’t even taught to value myself, only to not get pregnant. So I worshipped the enemy with my body. I praised my flesh, I gave in. Ungodly soul ties were formed. Heartbreak happened almost to the point of my destruction. But God! He sent Jesus to save me and you! Praise God for this! I am redeemed and restored and am able to enjoy sex freely as God intended with my husband. My husband, the only one who truly deserves to know me intimately. The thing I regret the most is that my husband was not my first. No one else deserved that honor, that privilege. Again, thank God for Jesus!


Path to Healing:

How did I deal with the lies that I’d believed about sex? Finding out the truth of course! The truth will set you free! (John 8:32). I have found that some married women find it hard to have sex with their husbands because they haven’t dealt with their own pasts and have believed the lies that they’ve been taught about sex. Some have been taught that sex is nasty, you’re not supposed to enjoy it, there are certain things you shouldn’t do in the marriage bed even though God says the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I struggled with believing that because of my past, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy sex in marriage and I also believed that I wasn’t supposed to do certain things because “God was watching”! I’m so very glad that I found out that these were lies! Sex in the covenant of marriage is beyond beautiful! I understand why God created it for marriage. It allows you and your spouse to communicate in ways that words can’t express! There’s freedom in being vulnerable with the one God has blessed you to be with, your union has been blessed by Him. He sees what you’re doing and He’s pleased, not repulsed and not grieved! Sex outside of marriage grieves the Holy Spirit! And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. (NLT) Sex within marriage helps you through rough times, it’s like glue, it helps to keep you together, bonding and sealing your relationship. I will say this, the enemy works hard to get you to have sex outside of marriage and he works hard to get you to NOT have sex when you’re married. Another trick he uses to destroy marriages. 

I had to think about all the lies that I’d been told and I had to totally renew my mind about sex.

Lies I believed:

  • Sex was nasty and not to be enjoyed
  • You have to have sex with someone to get them to love you
  • Sex wasn’t important to God
  • I could do what I wanted and not have to worry about the consequences as long as I didn’t get pregnant
  • Sex had to be done a certain way, a performance, like what’s seen in porn
  • Sex was for anyone who wanted it, no other requirements, stipulations or consequences

Truth:

  • Sex was created by God for married couples because anything He created, He calls it good. (Genesis 5:2)
  • Sex is very important to God which is why in several scriptures we are warned of the consequences of sex outside of marriage. (see scriptures below)
  • Porn is the absolute last place one should be getting ideas or learning about sex. It’s demonic and not of God!

Work it out:

1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

What does this mean to you, for you? Holy Spirit lives in us so we should be extra careful of what we allow to enter our bodies mentally, physically and spiritually. What are some things/people who you need to change/let go of? Do you need to get help with help with a porn addiction? Do you need to cut off unhealthy relationships? Break some soul ties? Write down your own wrong and unhealthy thoughts about sex and find out what God has to say about them. Don’t know where to start? Pray and ask God for wisdom and He will give it to you freely! Below I’ve listed scriptures and links to a few resources to get your started. I pray that you will take advantage of what’s offered and go forth in getting the healing that you need.

Resources:

Porn Addiction: https://www.xxxchurch.com/

Tips on not having sex and breaking soul ties: How Not to Have Sex

Scriptures:

  1. Hebrews 13:4
  2. 1 Corinthians 16:9
  3. 2 Timothy 2:22
  4. Galatians 5:16
  5. Colossians 3:23-24
  6. Romans 8:1
  7. Romans 12:1-2
  8. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
  9. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
  10. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
  11. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
  12. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
  13. Galatians 5:1
  14. Galatians 5:19-21
  15. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with their sexuality whether single or married. I pray you will restore and rejuvenate the marriage bed of the marriages represented here. I pray that you would heal both spouses in this area and that their marriage would thrive and be a testimony of your greatness! I pray that all lies of sex be removed and destroyed and replaced with your truth! I pray for ungodly soul ties to be broken, porn addictions and other unhealthy addictions healed in the name of Jesus! I pray that Your truth about sex will overcome all the lies told us by the enemy! I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Identity Crisis (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

identity-crisis-banner

 

Scripture: 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.


We were both fresh out of college when we got married. We were all lovey dovey and couldn’t stand to be away from each other. Then time passes, and the reality sinks in that you actually have to start doing life together, real life things like budget, pay bills, communicate. Before long, things started to get a little rocky. All of a sudden marriage didn’t look like I thought it would or should. All of my expectations weren’t being met, Hubby wasn’t being my knight in shining armor. He wasn’t telling me how fine and beautiful I was every day, or being affectionate everyday. He didn’t bring home flowers, and chocolates. He didn’t make me feel special, loved or needed everyday. In order for me to feel loved and cherished I needed this meer man to make me feel special because that’s what I expected and that’s what I needed him to do to make me feel secure and not doubt that I deserved to be married and to be loved unconditionally.  I needed him to do all these things every day so that I wouldn’t feel guilt and shame from my past and to some how prove to myself that I was worthy of love and valuable.

Looking back, this is what I expected from all my past relationships. I craved the attention and affection. My home life was so full of dysfunction and unpredictable circumstances, not the stability and security that a young girl needed. I wasn’t getting attention and affection from home from my mom and my dad was killed before I’d been born. There was no daily healthy affirmation or confirmation of who I was. So I sought the attention and affection elsewhere. I knew that my mom loved me but she had so many of her own demons to fight that she couldn’t fully give us what we needed, she couldn’t give what she didn’t have herself. If one guy wasn’t attentive enough, there was always another guy and another guy who was always available to make me feel beautiful, wanted, attractive and loved, special.  I thrived on the attention! The more attention I got, the more I felt validated and it took away from the hurt and pain that I had to deal with at home. It got even worse when I was in college. By then I was utterly boy crazy! I was so depressed from my past and I just covered it up with sex and all the attention I could get.

Well, this behavior played out in my marriage. Hubby and I didn’t get proper premarital counseling, we went in to marriage blindly, like sheep led to slaughter! We got what Hubby and I like to call “bootleg” counseling. The church we were attending at the time didn’t have any kind of marriage or premarital classes or counseling. We met with our pastor for about an hour. He asked all of five questions and when he found out we were living together, the only thing he told us was to stop having sex, not telling us why, and that we needed to get married sooner rather than later. So, we did, we got married and a few months later all hell broke loose!

I was expecting my husband to be my savior. My redeemer, the one to restore me and he couldn’t because that’s not his job. He needed someone to do and be the same for him and I couldn’t because that’s not my job either. Only Jesus can do this. We both came into marriage broken, battered and bruised filled with the pain and baggage from our pasts. He didn’t know who he was in Christ and neither did I so we put these unrealistic expectations on each other. You can’t be broken and get with another broken person and expect them to make you whole. No other human on this earth can complete you, ever. That’s not what humans are to do, only Jesus completes us. That’s why no matter how much sex, drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, attention you get or have, you’re never fulfilled. There’s a place in us only meant to be filled with Jesus and Jesus alone.

Path to Healing:

After some time, Hubby and I went to counseling and dealt with some of our past issues and learned how to work with each other. We also began to learn who we were in Christ. Throughout this journey, God called me to teach His truth about sex and during this journey He healed me as well. By replacing the lies with the truth, I was healed. My husband couldn’t and didn’t heal me, Jesus did. My husband isn’t responsible for my happiness and neither are my children, I am. People will come and go, will hurt you, try to break you, discourage you, knock you down, talk about you, wear you down, but Jesus won’t! All these things I experienced growing up because no one taught me who I was in Christ. I only heard of God here and there, but never about Jesus dying for my sins, my healing and wholeness and that I can be co-heirs with Him and be a child of God! Since I didn’t know these things, I went searching to fill this void in all the wrong places. Again I say, ignorance is NOT bliss. The things I did when I was young followed me into my marriage. My getting married didn’t make my hurts, pains, and flaws go away, they were just magnified! God uses marriage to draw things out of us and man is it painful sometimes.  I’m always amazed at how my husband knows exactly what button to push and how God shows me something about myself that I need to let Him in to heal or that I need to work on. Once I learned that I am God’s treasured possession, His daughter, the one He takes delight in, His child that’s fearfully and wonderfully made, I was able to relax and enjoy my marriage more! When my husband was being very human, it was easy to forgive him because I understood that he’s human and that God is working on him just like He’s working on me. My husband needed to have his junk uprooted too. So, knowing these things, it became easier to extend mercy and grace towards one another.

Work it out:

Not to say that you will be perfect going in to marriage, but BEFORE you get married, deal with you now! Learn who you are in Christ so that you won’t go into marriage with all these unrealistic expectations that will only put your marriage in crisis mode. You need Jesus now and you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! If you’re already married and things are already in crisis mode, focus on getting your heart right. Don’t look at what your husband is or isn’t doing. Let God handle Him, you focus on what God is telling you to work on.

Now, I want you to write down some of the lies that you believe about yourself or circumstances and then beside each one, write truth. For instance, for me it was not feeling worthy or valued, so my go to scripture was Psalm 37:23 (NLT) The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights (takes pleasure) in every detail of their lives. Just knowing that God took pleasure in every detail about my life blessed my heart! I didn’t have to worry about anyone else, because I knew that my Father cared about me. Below are some scriptures to get you started. Take time to write them out, meditate on them and use them to replace the lies and learn who you are in Christ! 

  1. Romans 12:2
  2. Psalm 37:23
  3. 1 Peter 2:9
  4. Psalm 94:19
  5. Romans 6:6
  6. Deuteronomy 7:6
  7. 2 Corinthians 3:17
  8. Isaiah 62:3
  9. Galatians 3:26
  10. Ephesians 2:10
  11. Psalm 139:14
  12. Song of Songs 4:7
  13. 1 Samuel 16:7
  14. Proverbs 31:30

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with an identity crisis. Father I pray that you begin to show them who You created them to be. Show them how You see them. Father I pray that you will replace the lies told them by the enemy and replace them with Your truth. I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Savin’ it for Hubby Signature Bracelet!

 

This hand crafted bracelet is made with faceted black agate stones with a pave’ crystal accent and fashioned with an acrylic heart shaped charm with the initials “sifh”.

This bracelet is for women young, old, married or single. This bracelet is meant to serve as a stylish reminder for single women that they are worth more and if they’re ever in a compromising situation that they can’t lose by saving themselves for their future husbands and seeing themselves as God does, beautiful, priceless, His!

For married women, this unique bracelet can serve as a reminder in the good times to save themselves, their time and energy for their husbands. And for when things are bad and the desire to compromise their marriage, that they can’t go wrong with trusting God to work things out for them.

This bracelet is simply stylish and serves as a great accent piece to any outfit, day or night!

Savin’ it for Hubby’s Mission is to teach women young and old, single or married, God’s truth about their value, worth and sexuality!

Click here to order!

 

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

No Regrets!

no regretsOk, a moment of realness here!

Live your life now in a way that you will have no regrets when you’re married. You want to be a wife, start acting like one now!!  The man who God has set aside for you will have your heart.  You will be so in love with him! He will be all that you need and want spiritually and physically.  You will think about all the guys you’ve given yourself away to and will regret all that you allowed them to do to you.  You will regret letting them see what was meant for your husband.  You will wish that he’d been the only one who’s seen you naked, who’s touched your body, whose known you intimately.  What you do now matters!

You are not a car! You don’t need to test drive or be test driven to see if you’re a good fit with some guy.  Trusting God, you will never be disappointed! He created you and your future husband.  He knows how He created your vagina and how He created his penis.  He knows what you both will enjoy sexually.  He created the gift of sex and He created you! You have one body, save it for your husband.  Let him enjoy you and love you in a way that no one else ever will and you will be free of shame and guilt and be free to enjoy him.

Be blessed & encouraged!

Shannon