Tag Archives: marriage

Of Highest Regard

Bracelet pure messgaeHi!! So in the next 4 days of the Scripture Writing Plan, we’re taking a little trip to the Old Testament.  I included these scriptures because I wanted us to take a look at just how seriously sexual sin was taken during this time.  Virginity was held in very high regard and was what defined a woman, and determined her eligibility for marriage. All parties were held accountable, the young woman, her parents, the man and even the elders of the city. Virginity was a big deal and being found not having her “virginity” intact was a disgrace to the woman and her family.

During this period of time, the bedding that was used during the wedding night, was kept by her parents as proof of her fidelity.  The blood showed proof that her husband was her first sexual partner because of her hymen that was broken during their first sexual experience.  Once this was examined and proved by the elders of the city, the husband was fined because he accused her of not being a virgin or not satisfying him anymore, therefore giving her a bad name.

God gave the responsibility of protection to the men, her father and her husband.  Before marriage, it is the duty of the parents to protect the purity of their family, especially the man. How terribly different our world is today!! There’s no regard for purity, virginity at all! None! Our men are taken out by various sins, hurts and ignorance, never truly knowing the great call that has been placed on their lives as priests and protectors.

I won’t go into too much detail because I want Holy Spirit to reveal much to you and I pray that we as daughters of the King come to understand just how strongly God feels about us, about our purity, bodies, how precious virginity is.  For some of us, not knowing this has caused us to learn a lot of things the hard way but praise God it’s never too late to start treasuring our bodies and thank Him for redemption and restoration!! It is now our responsibility walk worthy and accordingly and teach our sisters and daughters the TRUTH of who they are and were created to be! I look forward to hearing what revelation you get on this journey!!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


38 Things I’ve Learned In My 38 years of Life

lifelessons

  1. God is….(whatever you need Him to be :-))
  2. Guarding your heart is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
  3. Health is definitely wealth.
  4. People are people are people.
  5. You can only change you!
  6. Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing and sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing.
  7. No matter how much wisdom or wise counsel you give, ultimately, people will do what they want to do.
  8. People will ask for your advice and still go do something stupid.
  9. Guilt can always be seen on a person’s face.
  10. People, situations and some circumstances are seasonal and that’s perfectly fine!
  11. You won’t always get what you give.
  12. You can’t put your expectations on others.
  13. You are responsible for your own happiness.
  14. No human will and isn’t supposed to “complete” you.
  15. Pain can definitely become your purpose.
  16. Not everyone is your friend, they’re really an acquaintance.
  17. A person will avoid telling you things because they know that what you’ll say isn’t what they want to hear.
  18. Life sucks sometimes but it could be a lot worse.
  19. Sex outside of marriage never satisfies and it never will.
  20. There’s no such thing as perfection on this side of heaven.
  21. Being different is a great thing!
  22. People really are a blessing or a lesson, geez!!
  23. Always  check your circle!
  24. People will dislike you for something that’s in their own heart.
  25. It doesn’t hurt to smile 🙂
  26. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen, nothing more, nothing less.
  27. It pays to be observant.
  28. You get along better with perfect strangers sometimes better than your own family.
  29. You can’t want greater for another person more than they want it for themselves.
  30. Truth will repel those who aren’t ready/willing to hear it.
  31. Kindness always wins.
  32. It’s painful to check yourself but so very necessary.
  33. Children have selective hearing!
  34. Marriage is work!
  35. Family definitely doesn’t always mean biological.
  36. Learning from others mistakes is priceless.
  37. Loving others is risky but beautiful.
  38. The only way someone can steal your joy is if you allow it!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


Attracting Adam

Oldie but Goodie, an article I guest posted on my friend’s ministry site! 

attracting adamIn my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship. I just couldn’t bear being alone. I had a different guy for every aspect of my life.  One was just a friend that I could hang out with; another served my emotional needs, and finally a guy who took care of my physical needs. Neither had the total package based on what I thought I needed or wanted in a man, so during those times the combination of all three “fed” my wounded soul.

Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need.

God was just God—the One I called on when I’d gotten myself into a mess of a situation. He held no major significance in the decisions I made. But, when I stopped running from God, once I finally submitted, my life was changed completely!

During my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what I believed every other single woman did—I went out to find me a man. Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man. Actually, according to Genesis 2:22 it’s the polar opposite, And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

See, His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam right? Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the crowd thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word.  So not true!

You want to attract the godliness in a man—not just lust. Lust causes your brother to sin. It also dies and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is respect! God tells us in His word that the wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33). Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to get and keep a man. Why? Because this is and was not how God intended relationships to be. Yes, taking care of our body is very important because our body is the temple of the Lord, but using it to get what we want is not what our bodies were designed for.

Let’s go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in 2:22-23. First, God took a rib—a part of Adam that was good and God created a woman for Adam. Genesis 1:31 says, And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. God used a rib, the bone that’s close to a man’s most vital organs, his organs that are most vital to his life and being, and from that came Eve.

You—the custom made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God!

Now, when God is done (assuming that you will step back, submit, and allow Him to do so) forming, shaping and creating you—then and only then will God present you to your Adam.

I understand that being single can be hard, but I will tell you from experience, now is the time to deal with you! Your season of singleness is the best time to deal with your attitude, brokenness, insecurities, and your past. You don’t want to go into a new relationship, and don’t even think about going into a marriage with all your baggage.  Why? Because it will put unnecessary strain on your human husband who’s just a man. You can’t bring along all of the baggage and issues then expect him to fix your life, make you feel a certain way, and take away the pain from your past.  The only One who can do that is God!

Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinion or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him.  This is another reason why you, as a single lady, must step back and let God be God. Allow Him to finish working on and in your Adam.

If you’re trying to get a man that does not have the breath or Word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you for who you are and won’t know what to do with you.  He’ll only respond to you lustfully and immaturely! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out or to live together first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.

Men desire respect and not being respected is one of their greatest fears. I didn’t know this when I first got married and it really caused issues in our marriage. Once I stopped trying to be in charge and submitted myself to God (which is submitting and being the wife God called me to be according to His Word) my hubby began to respond differently.

I got what I needed from him and he and I began to flow. The flow got better as we both learned God’s roles for a husband and wife. Men respond to us visually yes, but once the lust dies—and it will, then what?

So, while you’re single, please stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him—especially the job of trying to find a man.  Use this precious time to work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Be a wife now, because in a sense, you are married to God through salvation so allow God to be your husband. If you can’t submit to God’s headship, how in the world will you submit to your husband?

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


Cloudy Vision

Hello!

Have you ever had cloudy vision?  You can see but not clearly, you can make out shapes and silhouettes but not a clear picture of who or what it is you’re looking at?  Well, that’s what sex before marriage does.  Let me explain. You have sex with someone based on how they make you feel or what state of mind you’re in.  If it’s a one night stand thing, then you may have sex with the guy for several reasons, you’re horny, he’s fine, you’re lonely, or you feel that you have to do so just to keep him.  Now, say he’s not so much of a creep in the beginning and the sex is good and all seems fine.  Question, what is the basis for this relationship? Is it just sex?  We as women have the tendency, just as guys, to “diversify our accounts”. We have a guy for sex, for emotional support, who makes us laugh, gives us money, makes us feel good, you name it there’s a guy for it!  But what about when you have to find 1 guy?  You can’t marry them all!  So now, you’re stuck with cloudy vision.  You can’t make up your mind, the sex guy is cool but he doesn’t give you what you need emotionally, or the emotional guy is cool but you’ve had sex with him as well and it wasn’t all that hot.  So what do you do?

This used to be me! I wish I’d known that yep, God takes care of that too, and very well.  I always say that I got lucky because I married the guy who fit my important needs and as an added bonus he’s everything I’ve ever wanted physically. God can and will take care of our desires as well! (Psalm 37:4)  My husband’s strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are his weaknesses.  When you have sex with different guys, play the field and get wrapped up in so much mess, you can’t see straight, your vision is cloudy!  Your heart is jacked up, your emotions are all over the place and that’s not God’s plan for us.  Not to mention all of the soul ties you’ve created!

God created us so He knows what we need sexually and emotionally.  We don’t have to go and do the work by trial and error (mostly error!), He will do it for us gladly.  Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.   The key here is accepting the fact that God knows the plan, not us.  This requires us to trust Him!!

See, He’s already declared that we’re taken care of but we have to have a relationship, not religion with Him and seek Him first! We don’t know who we are or what we want or what our purpose is without Him!  The way I see it, my life was an absolute mess without God!  I tried to do everything on my own and on my own terms and messed up a lot but God loves us so much that He restores us and picks us up out of our messes and turn them into the beautifulness (yep I created a word ;-)) that He intended for us to have anyway! So, if your vision is cloudy, ask God to give you clear vision and an undivided heart and He will show you the way!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Attracting Adam

attracting adam

 

 

 

 

 

HI!!

I pray that you all are well! I’m guest posting on my dear sister LaTanya Quinn’s blog for her ministry, LaTanya Quinn Ministries for a series called The Married and Single Series. You definitely want to check out the wisdom that has been shared thus far as well as the article written by yours truly – Attracting Adam.  Praying you’re blessed and will draw closer to the lover of our souls!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


It’s Not Nasty!

birds and the bees

It’s back to school time and I know that some of you have children entering middle school/junior high, especially girls.  I bet that some of you haven’t had “the talk” with them either, have you? If you haven’t talked to your daughter and told her God’s truth about sex then I suggest you do it NOW! Before she steps foot in her school.  Do it before her little friends tell her lies and things that could get her into trouble.

I get it, it’s hard to think about telling your baby girl about sex, I have 2 little girls of my own.  My oldest is 9 and yes, we’ve had the talk, on her level, of course. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to, but she was reading her Bible one day, Genesis, and she read about Adam having sexual relations with Eve.  She asked what was sexual relations so I had to tell her, which I’m glad I did, because I was able to tell her the truth before anyone could come to her with lies.

I also realize that a lot of us have believed lies about sex all of our lives and it’s taken a while for us to get rid of the lies and embrace truth. The reality is that so many women still walk around believing lies and the lies follow them into their marriages and their marriages suffer and the women suffer. I know that I don’t want my daughters to go into their marriages with skewed views of sex so as they get older, I will reveal more truth and when they get married, they will be able to go into their marriages fully embracing and enjoying sex the way that God intended.

So, for those of you who are dreading “the talk” or don’t know where to start, I’m giving you a condensed list to start with. Maybe this list will help bring you into truth as well.

Truths About Sex:

1. Sex was created by God, as a gift for married couples; male and female. (Genesis 4:1)

2. Sex is beautiful when done in parameters which God set: marriage! (Hebrews 13:4)

3. Sex represents the intimate relationship that God wishes to have with us. (Song of Solomon)

4. Sex is meant to be like super glue for marriage, so if you’re having sex with someone you’re not married to, then guess what you’ve done? Glued yourself to some random guy!

5. Sex outside of marriage can be devastating. It has lasting emotional, psychological, spiritual and sometimes damaging physical consequences.

6. What happens to you now, sexually, can set the tone for your sexual relationship with your husband.

7. Sex creates soul ties.  Each time you have sex, you tie your soul to someone else.  Yes, you can be walking around  with your soul still tied to your ex, ex, ex, ex boyfriend! Soul ties cannot be broken without God!

8. Sexual immorality is a form of devil worship.

9. Sex outside of marriage separates us from God and keeps us from His best for our lives.  Sin separates and sexual immorality is sin and not pleasing to God.

10. SEX IS NOT NASTY! Do not tell your daughter that sex is nasty! She will grow up to be a woman who gets married and won’t be able to enjoy her husband all because she thinks that sex is nasty!

What we tell our young girls now about sex, shapes their future! If you have skewed views of sex, please seek healing. Don’t spread the lies to your daughter.  Don’t be afraid to tell her about your mistakes either.  Wouldn’t you rather she learned from your mistakes instead of her own especially concerning sex?

These are starting points that you can break down based on the age and maturity of your daughter. Pray before your talk and ask God for wisdom and guidance and don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know. Tell her what you do know and then for the answers you don’t have, you can go and find answers, truth, together.  The world, the enemy, isn’t holding back or sugar coating and neither should we.  Our kids are in the middle of war and we have to arm them with the truth.  If we won’t tell them God’s truth, the enemy is ready and willing to fill them with his lies!

sex talk

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


An Excerpt….

Hi! I’m in the process of publishing my first book, y’all pray for me! As I’m in the process of publishing the first one, I’ve started on the second one, which is fiction mixed with a little life truth, and thought I’d share a little teaser 😉

…My God what have I done?! My life is a mess! My heart is a mess! The pain is unbearable. I can barely breathe! It hurts to breathe! I want to cry but the tears won’t come. How did this happen? When did this happen? Why did this happen? To me! Haven’t I gone through enough? The pain of seeing my mom throw her life away and kill herself with drugs and alcohol and now a painful, hurtful marriage! The entire marriage has been painful! God, my soul hurts, it aches. Words can’t describe the hurt and pain and disappointment, anger, frustration and hopelesness.

With you there’s always hope, right? I feel sick to my stomach with grief. Who am I? What do I do now? God I have begged you, pleaded, cried, prayed that you would take these feelings away. But you haven’t. Why have me continue to love someone I can never have and worst yet, he still loves me! He’s honored that I still love him, but my husband could care less about me! All he does is tear me down to nothing! He never misses a chance to remind me of my mistakes! As if he’s perfect and has never done anything wrong! My God will this pain ever stop?! What do I do now God? I don’t want to fail you. I don’t want to go to hell, I want to please you but how when I know you know what’s in my heart. Am I gonna go to hell for feeling this way? If only I’d truly known you sooner, if I ‘d been stronger, if I’d fought, fought for Gavin’s love. I told Evan it was over, it hurts too bad to love him, it’s painful loving him. He doesn’t know how to love me. He’s all about himself. There’s no we, just him. His wants, his needs.

God, I don’t know how much more of this emptiness I can take! How do I get out of this? I trust you Lord, now what do you want me to do? First Peter 3 is too hard and too painful to do. I don’t even know if I still want to be married or not. I just want this to be over. I still can’t breathe, how can I rest and sleep feeling like this? I don’t, I can’t talk to him, I don’t know what to say. Too much pain and he just doesn’t get it. He just can’t seem to understand me.  Sometimes I wish I could press the reset button but then I wouldn’t have my children. I want to cry, maybe the pain will stop but I don’t want to wake the kids, the tears won’t come anyway. 

This really is my life. This is a bunch of BS! I keep hoping that I’ll wake up from a bad dream. Who knew wanting and getting love and affection from your husband would be so hard! Holy Spirit and Jesus I hope you’re truly interceding for me now because I no longer know what to pray or ask for except for this pain to stop.

Now that I look back, the signs were all there, the warnings, the words of wisdom; I didn’t listen. Even the fights before the engagement, the sense of relief during our temporary break-up. Nope, I listened to Evan. “Have faith in me” he said. I was so stupid! Why in the world did I think that marriage would change things? Maybe because I knew nothing about marriage to begin with. I should have known something was wrong because I thought of Gavin on the day of our wedding. Who thinks of another man on her wedding day? Even our wedding night was awkward. The signs were all there yet I ignored them. And now I’m in the biggest mess of my life! Lord, please save me from myself….

So, what’cha think? Would you keep reading? This is my first time attempting fiction so be gentle :-). I shall continue writing! Until next time…

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


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