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FINALLY & What is this???

Finally! It’s here! My book, Love, Jesus, Sex: Experiences & Lessons Learned is available for purchase! I’m so excited and nervous! I pray that this book blesses you and brings you closer to our Lord & Savior, the lover of our souls, Jesus Christ!! God bless you and thank you for all your faithful support, love and prayers!!


So, in case you’re wondering, a bit about the book:

Who is it for? Any woman, any age, married, single, divorced. Men can read it too for various insight :-).

What is it about? This book is my heart. It tells my story and through my story I share a little of what I’ve learned about love, Jesus & sex and marriage. I share what so many of us wishes that our mom would have shared with us!

When is a good time to read this book? Now! Share it with your daughters, mothers, aunts, sister, friend, mentees, mentors, small group!

Where? Any where! While I am very straightforward, it’s done very tastefully, tactfully and in much love! So don’t be afraid to share it in church! Afterall, isn’t church where we’re supposed to learn the truth about sex?

Why? I share this book, my stories, because I want to spare others the pain and heartache I went through, I want my sisters to be free and I want them to know TRUTH!!

How? You can purchase my book here!!!

Love Jesus Sex White

Thank you again for your love and support! When you receive your book, use the hashtag #lovejesussex and let me know what you think!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Sex is Just Sex, Right? (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

Why-sex-is-still-not-a-word-to-be-used-in-public-1

Scripture: Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)  Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

There is this very huge misunderstanding that sex equals love. It so does not! If only I’d learned this in my teen years. Sex outside of marriage, “good” sex outside of marriage, clouds your vision, makes you feel as if you’re in love but all it does is blind you to the things that you really need to pay attention too. For instance, my hubby and I had sex with others and each other before we were married. It wasn’t until after we were married that all of our junk came out. Did you catch that? Marriage has a way of bringing all of your junk to the surface.  I truly believe the reason some marriages don’t work is because when the junk comes to the surface, instead of people dealing with it and offering mercy and grace, they run and sadly in some cases, they take the junk with them to the next relationship. Again, marriage doesn’t erase your past!

My sexual brokenness is what brought me to full surrender to God. I couldn’t deal with the pain. The more I learned about God, His heart for me, His purpose and reason for creating sex, I realized what a mess I was! I felt so much guilt and shame. Well, why, Shannon, why did you feel this? It’s just sex right? WRONG! Sex is not just sex! Never was, never is, never will be. Sex is an act of worship. Yes, think about it, it’s powerful isn’t it? Women use it to get what they want, or to validate who they are as a woman because of their physical attributes. Men use it to make them feel like a man, as if they’ve conquered or accomplished something based on how much sex they can get. Satan uses it to destroy us. But God created it to create life. Sex has the power to create life! That’s power!

God tells us in His Word to work at all things as unto Him (Colossians 3:23-24). Not only this but to offer our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, which is the way to truly worship Him. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him (NLT). 

Growing up I was never taught this! I wasn’t even taught to value myself, only to not get pregnant. So I worshipped the enemy with my body. I praised my flesh, I gave in. Ungodly soul ties were formed. Heartbreak happened almost to the point of my destruction. But God! He sent Jesus to save me and you! Praise God for this! I am redeemed and restored and am able to enjoy sex freely as God intended with my husband. My husband, the only one who truly deserves to know me intimately. The thing I regret the most is that my husband was not my first. No one else deserved that honor, that privilege. Again, thank God for Jesus!


Path to Healing:

How did I deal with the lies that I’d believed about sex? Finding out the truth of course! The truth will set you free! (John 8:32). I have found that some married women find it hard to have sex with their husbands because they haven’t dealt with their own pasts and have believed the lies that they’ve been taught about sex. Some have been taught that sex is nasty, you’re not supposed to enjoy it, there are certain things you shouldn’t do in the marriage bed even though God says the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I struggled with believing that because of my past, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy sex in marriage and I also believed that I wasn’t supposed to do certain things because “God was watching”! I’m so very glad that I found out that these were lies! Sex in the covenant of marriage is beyond beautiful! I understand why God created it for marriage. It allows you and your spouse to communicate in ways that words can’t express! There’s freedom in being vulnerable with the one God has blessed you to be with, your union has been blessed by Him. He sees what you’re doing and He’s pleased, not repulsed and not grieved! Sex outside of marriage grieves the Holy Spirit! And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. (NLT) Sex within marriage helps you through rough times, it’s like glue, it helps to keep you together, bonding and sealing your relationship. I will say this, the enemy works hard to get you to have sex outside of marriage and he works hard to get you to NOT have sex when you’re married. Another trick he uses to destroy marriages. 

I had to think about all the lies that I’d been told and I had to totally renew my mind about sex.

Lies I believed:

  • Sex was nasty and not to be enjoyed
  • You have to have sex with someone to get them to love you
  • Sex wasn’t important to God
  • I could do what I wanted and not have to worry about the consequences as long as I didn’t get pregnant
  • Sex had to be done a certain way, a performance, like what’s seen in porn
  • Sex was for anyone who wanted it, no other requirements, stipulations or consequences

Truth:

  • Sex was created by God for married couples because anything He created, He calls it good. (Genesis 5:2)
  • Sex is very important to God which is why in several scriptures we are warned of the consequences of sex outside of marriage. (see scriptures below)
  • Porn is the absolute last place one should be getting ideas or learning about sex. It’s demonic and not of God!

Work it out:

1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

What does this mean to you, for you? Holy Spirit lives in us so we should be extra careful of what we allow to enter our bodies mentally, physically and spiritually. What are some things/people who you need to change/let go of? Do you need to get help with help with a porn addiction? Do you need to cut off unhealthy relationships? Break some soul ties? Write down your own wrong and unhealthy thoughts about sex and find out what God has to say about them. Don’t know where to start? Pray and ask God for wisdom and He will give it to you freely! Below I’ve listed scriptures and links to a few resources to get your started. I pray that you will take advantage of what’s offered and go forth in getting the healing that you need.

Resources:

Porn Addiction: https://www.xxxchurch.com/

Tips on not having sex and breaking soul ties: How Not to Have Sex

Scriptures:

  1. Hebrews 13:4
  2. 1 Corinthians 16:9
  3. 2 Timothy 2:22
  4. Galatians 5:16
  5. Colossians 3:23-24
  6. Romans 8:1
  7. Romans 12:1-2
  8. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
  9. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
  10. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
  11. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
  12. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
  13. Galatians 5:1
  14. Galatians 5:19-21
  15. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with their sexuality whether single or married. I pray you will restore and rejuvenate the marriage bed of the marriages represented here. I pray that you would heal both spouses in this area and that their marriage would thrive and be a testimony of your greatness! I pray that all lies of sex be removed and destroyed and replaced with your truth! I pray for ungodly soul ties to be broken, porn addictions and other unhealthy addictions healed in the name of Jesus! I pray that Your truth about sex will overcome all the lies told us by the enemy! I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Identity Crisis (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

identity-crisis-banner

 

Scripture: 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.


We were both fresh out of college when we got married. We were all lovey dovey and couldn’t stand to be away from each other. Then time passes, and the reality sinks in that you actually have to start doing life together, real life things like budget, pay bills, communicate. Before long, things started to get a little rocky. All of a sudden marriage didn’t look like I thought it would or should. All of my expectations weren’t being met, Hubby wasn’t being my knight in shining armor. He wasn’t telling me how fine and beautiful I was every day, or being affectionate everyday. He didn’t bring home flowers, and chocolates. He didn’t make me feel special, loved or needed everyday. In order for me to feel loved and cherished I needed this meer man to make me feel special because that’s what I expected and that’s what I needed him to do to make me feel secure and not doubt that I deserved to be married and to be loved unconditionally.  I needed him to do all these things every day so that I wouldn’t feel guilt and shame from my past and to some how prove to myself that I was worthy of love and valuable.

Looking back, this is what I expected from all my past relationships. I craved the attention and affection. My home life was so full of dysfunction and unpredictable circumstances, not the stability and security that a young girl needed. I wasn’t getting attention and affection from home from my mom and my dad was killed before I’d been born. There was no daily healthy affirmation or confirmation of who I was. So I sought the attention and affection elsewhere. I knew that my mom loved me but she had so many of her own demons to fight that she couldn’t fully give us what we needed, she couldn’t give what she didn’t have herself. If one guy wasn’t attentive enough, there was always another guy and another guy who was always available to make me feel beautiful, wanted, attractive and loved, special.  I thrived on the attention! The more attention I got, the more I felt validated and it took away from the hurt and pain that I had to deal with at home. It got even worse when I was in college. By then I was utterly boy crazy! I was so depressed from my past and I just covered it up with sex and all the attention I could get.

Well, this behavior played out in my marriage. Hubby and I didn’t get proper premarital counseling, we went in to marriage blindly, like sheep led to slaughter! We got what Hubby and I like to call “bootleg” counseling. The church we were attending at the time didn’t have any kind of marriage or premarital classes or counseling. We met with our pastor for about an hour. He asked all of five questions and when he found out we were living together, the only thing he told us was to stop having sex, not telling us why, and that we needed to get married sooner rather than later. So, we did, we got married and a few months later all hell broke loose!

I was expecting my husband to be my savior. My redeemer, the one to restore me and he couldn’t because that’s not his job. He needed someone to do and be the same for him and I couldn’t because that’s not my job either. Only Jesus can do this. We both came into marriage broken, battered and bruised filled with the pain and baggage from our pasts. He didn’t know who he was in Christ and neither did I so we put these unrealistic expectations on each other. You can’t be broken and get with another broken person and expect them to make you whole. No other human on this earth can complete you, ever. That’s not what humans are to do, only Jesus completes us. That’s why no matter how much sex, drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, attention you get or have, you’re never fulfilled. There’s a place in us only meant to be filled with Jesus and Jesus alone.

Path to Healing:

After some time, Hubby and I went to counseling and dealt with some of our past issues and learned how to work with each other. We also began to learn who we were in Christ. Throughout this journey, God called me to teach His truth about sex and during this journey He healed me as well. By replacing the lies with the truth, I was healed. My husband couldn’t and didn’t heal me, Jesus did. My husband isn’t responsible for my happiness and neither are my children, I am. People will come and go, will hurt you, try to break you, discourage you, knock you down, talk about you, wear you down, but Jesus won’t! All these things I experienced growing up because no one taught me who I was in Christ. I only heard of God here and there, but never about Jesus dying for my sins, my healing and wholeness and that I can be co-heirs with Him and be a child of God! Since I didn’t know these things, I went searching to fill this void in all the wrong places. Again I say, ignorance is NOT bliss. The things I did when I was young followed me into my marriage. My getting married didn’t make my hurts, pains, and flaws go away, they were just magnified! God uses marriage to draw things out of us and man is it painful sometimes.  I’m always amazed at how my husband knows exactly what button to push and how God shows me something about myself that I need to let Him in to heal or that I need to work on. Once I learned that I am God’s treasured possession, His daughter, the one He takes delight in, His child that’s fearfully and wonderfully made, I was able to relax and enjoy my marriage more! When my husband was being very human, it was easy to forgive him because I understood that he’s human and that God is working on him just like He’s working on me. My husband needed to have his junk uprooted too. So, knowing these things, it became easier to extend mercy and grace towards one another.

Work it out:

Not to say that you will be perfect going in to marriage, but BEFORE you get married, deal with you now! Learn who you are in Christ so that you won’t go into marriage with all these unrealistic expectations that will only put your marriage in crisis mode. You need Jesus now and you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! If you’re already married and things are already in crisis mode, focus on getting your heart right. Don’t look at what your husband is or isn’t doing. Let God handle Him, you focus on what God is telling you to work on.

Now, I want you to write down some of the lies that you believe about yourself or circumstances and then beside each one, write truth. For instance, for me it was not feeling worthy or valued, so my go to scripture was Psalm 37:23 (NLT) The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights (takes pleasure) in every detail of their lives. Just knowing that God took pleasure in every detail about my life blessed my heart! I didn’t have to worry about anyone else, because I knew that my Father cared about me. Below are some scriptures to get you started. Take time to write them out, meditate on them and use them to replace the lies and learn who you are in Christ! 

  1. Romans 12:2
  2. Psalm 37:23
  3. 1 Peter 2:9
  4. Psalm 94:19
  5. Romans 6:6
  6. Deuteronomy 7:6
  7. 2 Corinthians 3:17
  8. Isaiah 62:3
  9. Galatians 3:26
  10. Ephesians 2:10
  11. Psalm 139:14
  12. Song of Songs 4:7
  13. 1 Samuel 16:7
  14. Proverbs 31:30

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with an identity crisis. Father I pray that you begin to show them who You created them to be. Show them how You see them. Father I pray that you will replace the lies told them by the enemy and replace them with Your truth. I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Of Highest Regard

Bracelet pure messgaeHi!! So in the next 4 days of the Scripture Writing Plan, we’re taking a little trip to the Old Testament.  I included these scriptures because I wanted us to take a look at just how seriously sexual sin was taken during this time.  Virginity was held in very high regard and was what defined a woman, and determined her eligibility for marriage. All parties were held accountable, the young woman, her parents, the man and even the elders of the city. Virginity was a big deal and being found not having her “virginity” intact was a disgrace to the woman and her family.

During this period of time, the bedding that was used during the wedding night, was kept by her parents as proof of her fidelity.  The blood showed proof that her husband was her first sexual partner because of her hymen that was broken during their first sexual experience.  Once this was examined and proved by the elders of the city, the husband was fined because he accused her of not being a virgin or not satisfying him anymore, therefore giving her a bad name.

God gave the responsibility of protection to the men, her father and her husband.  Before marriage, it is the duty of the parents to protect the purity of their family, especially the man. How terribly different our world is today!! There’s no regard for purity, virginity at all! None! Our men are taken out by various sins, hurts and ignorance, never truly knowing the great call that has been placed on their lives as priests and protectors.

I won’t go into too much detail because I want Holy Spirit to reveal much to you and I pray that we as daughters of the King come to understand just how strongly God feels about us, about our purity, bodies, how precious virginity is.  For some of us, not knowing this has caused us to learn a lot of things the hard way but praise God it’s never too late to start treasuring our bodies and thank Him for redemption and restoration!! It is now our responsibility walk worthy and accordingly and teach our sisters and daughters the TRUTH of who they are and were created to be! I look forward to hearing what revelation you get on this journey!!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

38 Things I’ve Learned In My 38 years of Life

lifelessons

  1. God is….(whatever you need Him to be :-))
  2. Guarding your heart is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
  3. Health is definitely wealth.
  4. People are people are people.
  5. You can only change you!
  6. Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing and sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing.
  7. No matter how much wisdom or wise counsel you give, ultimately, people will do what they want to do.
  8. People will ask for your advice and still go do something stupid.
  9. Guilt can always be seen on a person’s face.
  10. People, situations and some circumstances are seasonal and that’s perfectly fine!
  11. You won’t always get what you give.
  12. You can’t put your expectations on others.
  13. You are responsible for your own happiness.
  14. No human will and isn’t supposed to “complete” you.
  15. Pain can definitely become your purpose.
  16. Not everyone is your friend, they’re really an acquaintance.
  17. A person will avoid telling you things because they know that what you’ll say isn’t what they want to hear.
  18. Life sucks sometimes but it could be a lot worse.
  19. Sex outside of marriage never satisfies and it never will.
  20. There’s no such thing as perfection on this side of heaven.
  21. Being different is a great thing!
  22. People really are a blessing or a lesson, geez!!
  23. Always  check your circle!
  24. People will dislike you for something that’s in their own heart.
  25. It doesn’t hurt to smile 🙂
  26. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen, nothing more, nothing less.
  27. It pays to be observant.
  28. You get along better with perfect strangers sometimes better than your own family.
  29. You can’t want greater for another person more than they want it for themselves.
  30. Truth will repel those who aren’t ready/willing to hear it.
  31. Kindness always wins.
  32. It’s painful to check yourself but so very necessary.
  33. Children have selective hearing!
  34. Marriage is work!
  35. Family definitely doesn’t always mean biological.
  36. Learning from others mistakes is priceless.
  37. Loving others is risky but beautiful.
  38. The only way someone can steal your joy is if you allow it!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Attracting Adam

Oldie but Goodie, an article I guest posted on my friend’s ministry site! 

attracting adamIn my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship. I just couldn’t bear being alone. I had a different guy for every aspect of my life.  One was just a friend that I could hang out with; another served my emotional needs, and finally a guy who took care of my physical needs. Neither had the total package based on what I thought I needed or wanted in a man, so during those times the combination of all three “fed” my wounded soul.

Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need.

God was just God—the One I called on when I’d gotten myself into a mess of a situation. He held no major significance in the decisions I made. But, when I stopped running from God, once I finally submitted, my life was changed completely!

During my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what I believed every other single woman did—I went out to find me a man. Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man. Actually, according to Genesis 2:22 it’s the polar opposite, And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

See, His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam right? Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the crowd thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word.  So not true!

You want to attract the godliness in a man—not just lust. Lust causes your brother to sin. It also dies and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is respect! God tells us in His word that the wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33). Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to get and keep a man. Why? Because this is and was not how God intended relationships to be. Yes, taking care of our body is very important because our body is the temple of the Lord, but using it to get what we want is not what our bodies were designed for.

Let’s go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in 2:22-23. First, God took a rib—a part of Adam that was good and God created a woman for Adam. Genesis 1:31 says, And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. God used a rib, the bone that’s close to a man’s most vital organs, his organs that are most vital to his life and being, and from that came Eve.

You—the custom made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God!

Now, when God is done (assuming that you will step back, submit, and allow Him to do so) forming, shaping and creating you—then and only then will God present you to your Adam.

I understand that being single can be hard, but I will tell you from experience, now is the time to deal with you! Your season of singleness is the best time to deal with your attitude, brokenness, insecurities, and your past. You don’t want to go into a new relationship, and don’t even think about going into a marriage with all your baggage.  Why? Because it will put unnecessary strain on your human husband who’s just a man. You can’t bring along all of the baggage and issues then expect him to fix your life, make you feel a certain way, and take away the pain from your past.  The only One who can do that is God!

Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinion or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him.  This is another reason why you, as a single lady, must step back and let God be God. Allow Him to finish working on and in your Adam.

If you’re trying to get a man that does not have the breath or Word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you for who you are and won’t know what to do with you.  He’ll only respond to you lustfully and immaturely! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out or to live together first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.

Men desire respect and not being respected is one of their greatest fears. I didn’t know this when I first got married and it really caused issues in our marriage. Once I stopped trying to be in charge and submitted myself to God (which is submitting and being the wife God called me to be according to His Word) my hubby began to respond differently.

I got what I needed from him and he and I began to flow. The flow got better as we both learned God’s roles for a husband and wife. Men respond to us visually yes, but once the lust dies—and it will, then what?

So, while you’re single, please stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him—especially the job of trying to find a man.  Use this precious time to work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Be a wife now, because in a sense, you are married to God through salvation so allow God to be your husband. If you can’t submit to God’s headship, how in the world will you submit to your husband?

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Attracting Adam

attracting adam

 

 

 

 

 

HI!!

I pray that you all are well! I’m guest posting on my dear sister LaTanya Quinn’s blog for her ministry, LaTanya Quinn Ministries for a series called The Married and Single Series. You definitely want to check out the wisdom that has been shared thus far as well as the article written by yours truly – Attracting Adam.  Praying you’re blessed and will draw closer to the lover of our souls!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

It’s Not Nasty!

birds and the bees

It’s back to school time and I know that some of you have children entering middle school/junior high, especially girls.  I bet that some of you haven’t had “the talk” with them either, have you? If you haven’t talked to your daughter and told her God’s truth about sex then I suggest you do it NOW! Before she steps foot in her school.  Do it before her little friends tell her lies and things that could get her into trouble.

I get it, it’s hard to think about telling your baby girl about sex, I have 2 little girls of my own.  My oldest is 9 and yes, we’ve had the talk, on her level, of course. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to, but she was reading her Bible one day, Genesis, and she read about Adam having sexual relations with Eve.  She asked what was sexual relations so I had to tell her, which I’m glad I did, because I was able to tell her the truth before anyone could come to her with lies.

I also realize that a lot of us have believed lies about sex all of our lives and it’s taken a while for us to get rid of the lies and embrace truth. The reality is that so many women still walk around believing lies and the lies follow them into their marriages and their marriages suffer and the women suffer. I know that I don’t want my daughters to go into their marriages with skewed views of sex so as they get older, I will reveal more truth and when they get married, they will be able to go into their marriages fully embracing and enjoying sex the way that God intended.

So, for those of you who are dreading “the talk” or don’t know where to start, I’m giving you a condensed list to start with. Maybe this list will help bring you into truth as well.

Truths About Sex:

1. Sex was created by God, as a gift for married couples; male and female. (Genesis 4:1)

2. Sex is beautiful when done in parameters which God set: marriage! (Hebrews 13:4)

3. Sex represents the intimate relationship that God wishes to have with us. (Song of Solomon)

4. Sex is meant to be like super glue for marriage, so if you’re having sex with someone you’re not married to, then guess what you’ve done? Glued yourself to some random guy!

5. Sex outside of marriage can be devastating. It has lasting emotional, psychological, spiritual and sometimes damaging physical consequences.

6. What happens to you now, sexually, can set the tone for your sexual relationship with your husband.

7. Sex creates soul ties.  Each time you have sex, you tie your soul to someone else.  Yes, you can be walking around  with your soul still tied to your ex, ex, ex, ex boyfriend! Soul ties cannot be broken without God!

8. Sexual immorality is a form of devil worship.

9. Sex outside of marriage separates us from God and keeps us from His best for our lives.  Sin separates and sexual immorality is sin and not pleasing to God.

10. SEX IS NOT NASTY! Do not tell your daughter that sex is nasty! She will grow up to be a woman who gets married and won’t be able to enjoy her husband all because she thinks that sex is nasty!

What we tell our young girls now about sex, shapes their future! If you have skewed views of sex, please seek healing. Don’t spread the lies to your daughter.  Don’t be afraid to tell her about your mistakes either.  Wouldn’t you rather she learned from your mistakes instead of her own especially concerning sex?

These are starting points that you can break down based on the age and maturity of your daughter. Pray before your talk and ask God for wisdom and guidance and don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know. Tell her what you do know and then for the answers you don’t have, you can go and find answers, truth, together.  The world, the enemy, isn’t holding back or sugar coating and neither should we.  Our kids are in the middle of war and we have to arm them with the truth.  If we won’t tell them God’s truth, the enemy is ready and willing to fill them with his lies!

sex talk

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

An Excerpt….

Hi! I’m in the process of publishing my first book, y’all pray for me! As I’m in the process of publishing the first one, I’ve started on the second one, which is fiction mixed with a little life truth, and thought I’d share a little teaser 😉

…My God what have I done?! My life is a mess! My heart is a mess! The pain is unbearable. I can barely breathe! It hurts to breathe! I want to cry but the tears won’t come. How did this happen? When did this happen? Why did this happen? To me! Haven’t I gone through enough? The pain of seeing my mom throw her life away and kill herself with drugs and alcohol and now a painful, hurtful marriage! The entire marriage has been painful! God, my soul hurts, it aches. Words can’t describe the hurt and pain and disappointment, anger, frustration and hopelesness.

With you there’s always hope, right? I feel sick to my stomach with grief. Who am I? What do I do now? God I have begged you, pleaded, cried, prayed that you would take these feelings away. But you haven’t. Why have me continue to love someone I can never have and worst yet, he still loves me! He’s honored that I still love him, but my husband could care less about me! All he does is tear me down to nothing! He never misses a chance to remind me of my mistakes! As if he’s perfect and has never done anything wrong! My God will this pain ever stop?! What do I do now God? I don’t want to fail you. I don’t want to go to hell, I want to please you but how when I know you know what’s in my heart. Am I gonna go to hell for feeling this way? If only I’d truly known you sooner, if I ‘d been stronger, if I’d fought, fought for Gavin’s love. I told Evan it was over, it hurts too bad to love him, it’s painful loving him. He doesn’t know how to love me. He’s all about himself. There’s no we, just him. His wants, his needs.

God, I don’t know how much more of this emptiness I can take! How do I get out of this? I trust you Lord, now what do you want me to do? First Peter 3 is too hard and too painful to do. I don’t even know if I still want to be married or not. I just want this to be over. I still can’t breathe, how can I rest and sleep feeling like this? I don’t, I can’t talk to him, I don’t know what to say. Too much pain and he just doesn’t get it. He just can’t seem to understand me.  Sometimes I wish I could press the reset button but then I wouldn’t have my children. I want to cry, maybe the pain will stop but I don’t want to wake the kids, the tears won’t come anyway. 

This really is my life. This is a bunch of BS! I keep hoping that I’ll wake up from a bad dream. Who knew wanting and getting love and affection from your husband would be so hard! Holy Spirit and Jesus I hope you’re truly interceding for me now because I no longer know what to pray or ask for except for this pain to stop.

Now that I look back, the signs were all there, the warnings, the words of wisdom; I didn’t listen. Even the fights before the engagement, the sense of relief during our temporary break-up. Nope, I listened to Evan. “Have faith in me” he said. I was so stupid! Why in the world did I think that marriage would change things? Maybe because I knew nothing about marriage to begin with. I should have known something was wrong because I thought of Gavin on the day of our wedding. Who thinks of another man on her wedding day? Even our wedding night was awkward. The signs were all there yet I ignored them. And now I’m in the biggest mess of my life! Lord, please save me from myself….

So, what’cha think? Would you keep reading? This is my first time attempting fiction so be gentle :-). I shall continue writing! Until next time…

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories

Perspective!

The weekend is upon us and I am burdened with this message:

Let’s put this into real hard-core perspective: Are you really so lonely and desperate, hungry for attention, affection and love that you’re willing to give away your precious body, your virginity which is a gift you can only give once, your heart to someone who hasn’t done anything in the eyes of or the approval of God to earn it?! You’re trading yourself, a priceless gift, for nothing of value in return? Think about this as you go out this weekend or make your plans.

Really think about it: You wake up the next morning, first of all, is he still there with you? What’s he thinking? What if he left while you were sleeping? Will he ever call? Will he and what will he tell his friends? Oh shoot did the condom break? Did you remember to use one? Does he have any diseases? What if he has a disease that he doesn’t know about? Will I ever see him again? What have I done?!

How do I know this? Because this was once me!!!!!!!! I know the feeling of being scared to death and promising to never do it again but because I didn’t know who I was in Christ, I repeatedly gave in to this desperation! I remember praying that I wasn’t pregnant by some stupid guy and I remember being so upset with myself for giving in yet again! This doesn’t have to be you.

Now if you were to have a wild night and you’re MARRIED and you wake up and he’s not there, you don’t have to freak because oh wait, he’s downstairs fixing us breakfast! I know what he thinks of me, he loves me because he married me, so what if you didn’t use protection, no worries because we’re MARRIED!!

See the contrast? God created sex for the confines of marriage because He never intended for us to be tortured by the consequences of fornication. Sex was meant to be enjoyed, repeatedly and freely, in the MARRIAGE BED!

Anyway, think past the here and now. Everything we do has consequences and we can’t escape the consequences.  You’re worth more! Don’t let your desperation breed defeat!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon