Tag Archives: husband

Attracting Adam

Oldie but Goodie, an article I guest posted on my friend’s ministry site! 

attracting adamIn my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship. I just couldn’t bear being alone. I had a different guy for every aspect of my life.  One was just a friend that I could hang out with; another served my emotional needs, and finally a guy who took care of my physical needs. Neither had the total package based on what I thought I needed or wanted in a man, so during those times the combination of all three “fed” my wounded soul.

Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need.

God was just God—the One I called on when I’d gotten myself into a mess of a situation. He held no major significance in the decisions I made. But, when I stopped running from God, once I finally submitted, my life was changed completely!

During my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what I believed every other single woman did—I went out to find me a man. Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man. Actually, according to Genesis 2:22 it’s the polar opposite, And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

See, His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam right? Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the crowd thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word.  So not true!

You want to attract the godliness in a man—not just lust. Lust causes your brother to sin. It also dies and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is respect! God tells us in His word that the wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33). Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to get and keep a man. Why? Because this is and was not how God intended relationships to be. Yes, taking care of our body is very important because our body is the temple of the Lord, but using it to get what we want is not what our bodies were designed for.

Let’s go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in 2:22-23. First, God took a rib—a part of Adam that was good and God created a woman for Adam. Genesis 1:31 says, And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. God used a rib, the bone that’s close to a man’s most vital organs, his organs that are most vital to his life and being, and from that came Eve.

You—the custom made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God!

Now, when God is done (assuming that you will step back, submit, and allow Him to do so) forming, shaping and creating you—then and only then will God present you to your Adam.

I understand that being single can be hard, but I will tell you from experience, now is the time to deal with you! Your season of singleness is the best time to deal with your attitude, brokenness, insecurities, and your past. You don’t want to go into a new relationship, and don’t even think about going into a marriage with all your baggage.  Why? Because it will put unnecessary strain on your human husband who’s just a man. You can’t bring along all of the baggage and issues then expect him to fix your life, make you feel a certain way, and take away the pain from your past.  The only One who can do that is God!

Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinion or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him.  This is another reason why you, as a single lady, must step back and let God be God. Allow Him to finish working on and in your Adam.

If you’re trying to get a man that does not have the breath or Word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you for who you are and won’t know what to do with you.  He’ll only respond to you lustfully and immaturely! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out or to live together first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.

Men desire respect and not being respected is one of their greatest fears. I didn’t know this when I first got married and it really caused issues in our marriage. Once I stopped trying to be in charge and submitted myself to God (which is submitting and being the wife God called me to be according to His Word) my hubby began to respond differently.

I got what I needed from him and he and I began to flow. The flow got better as we both learned God’s roles for a husband and wife. Men respond to us visually yes, but once the lust dies—and it will, then what?

So, while you’re single, please stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him—especially the job of trying to find a man.  Use this precious time to work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Be a wife now, because in a sense, you are married to God through salvation so allow God to be your husband. If you can’t submit to God’s headship, how in the world will you submit to your husband?

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


Why Submit?

Submission

What is submission? Some women see this as the man walking all over a woman, the woman has to do what the man says, the woman has no say in anything whatsoever.  Neither of these views are true. I used to think this way as well until I got married and found out God’s definition of submission and what He meant for and by submission.

sub·mit

 [suhb-mit]  Show IPA

verb (used with object), sub·mit·ted, sub·mit·ting.

1.

to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
Now just looking at the definition alone could give you the wrong impression about submission.  But I think the key word here in this definition is yield.

yield

 [yeeld]  Show IPA

verb (used with object)

4.

to give up or surrender (oneself)
5.

to give up or over; relinquish or resign: to yield the floor to the senator from Ohio.

As children of God we are to submit, surrender, yield our will to God.  He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11). He knows everything there is to know about us even before we were born (Psalm 139). He’s greater and can do far more than we ever could in our fallible humanness.

Here’s what I’ve learned about submission.  Maybe this will help to change your view:

Submission is for our protection, period.  When we submit to God, it means we’re in His will and are protected, yes protected.  Submitting to God shows that you trust Him with your life.  Not saying that this will be or is easy, not saying that what He tells you to do will always make you happy but it’s for protection.  We have to remember the advantage that God has; He’s omnipotent and omnipresent.  He knows all and sees all. So when He says yes to something, I look at it as everything’s all clear.  If He says no, or there’s a delay I look at it as if He’s working some things out on my behalf, hence Romans 8:28.

Submission in marriage, same thing, protection but also peace.  In marriage, God has set an order: God, Husband, Wife, Children, everything else. When the woman tries to take over or lead, hence being out-of-order, things get crazy and it goes against the order that God has set.  By me submitting to my husband, it means that I am trusting God’s order and His design for marriage.  I may not always agree with the decisions my husband makes but I have to trust that my husband and God have been communicating and when hubby makes the final decision then he’s heard from God and that’s that.  Which is why, single ladies, you need to have a man who knows God, trusts God, hears and submits to God. If not, there’s no telling where this man may lead you and your family! Submitting to my husband even when I think he’s wrong is me submitting to God, my husband is head.  If my husband makes a decision that isn’t what God wanted I still have to have complete trust in knowing that God will not let us fall, He knows we’re not perfect and that He has our backs.  By me obeying God and submitting to my husband, I’m protected and at peace.

Flowing in God’s order and submitting to Him gives us peace.  We’ve done our part by entrusting our lives to Him, He takes care of the rest.  Submission, in its divine purpose, brings peace and protection.  It’s God’s way of saying, I love you and want to protect you, stay close to me, abide in me.  You can’t get better protection than that!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

 


Everything!

depend on GodAs a woman of God, whether single or married, you have to get to a place in your life where you know how to go to God for EVERYTHING!

I mean every need you have be it physically, yes, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Why? Because the people and things in our lives are only meant to compliment our lives, not to become our lives.  Humans can only do and handle so much.  It’s impossible for people to keep up with our every demand, emotion or need.  It’s exhausting! Have you ever tried to be everything to someone? It’s impossible! You will wear yourself out! For instance in marriage or seeking marriage, we often look for someone to be our “knight in shining armor” to “complete us”. These expectations were truly meant for fairy tales.  These are unrealistic expectations that will truly set you up for disappointment.  I learned this the hard way.  In the beginning of our marriage, I expected my husband to love me unconditionally, do what I needed and wanted when I needed it and wanted it done.  I wanted him to be affectionate, loving, make me feel good about myself, make me feel secure, take care of me and always see me as beautiful whether I was looking good physically or not! I wanted him to complete me because I felt so empty. I put all these unrealistic expectations on him that when he failed even once, my life was devastated! Then came the thoughts that tormented me about him not loving me, or caring all because he missed one of my many unrealistic expectations.  He’s a man, he’s human and can only do so much.  The greatest mistake we can make is in looking to find someone to complete us! Not possible.  You are setting yourself up for failure if you’re looking for another incomplete person to complete you! The only One who can complete you is God and thonly One that complete the person you’re seeking to complete you is God.  Two incomplete people equals a whole lot of mess!

See, there’s a place for people and things in our lives and there’s a place for God.  We try and try to fill God’s portion with people and things but as God would have it, nothing or no one will ever come close to filling His part, but Him.  He did this purposely so we would always depend on Him.  We were created for Him! Now, having learned this lesson, I receive what love and devotion that my husband can give in his human self. Whatever I feel may be lacking for some reason or another, depending on the day it is, (because we women are emotional creatures), I know how to go to God and ask that He fill or help me to deal with what I feel that I’m missing. I’ve also learned to go to God first to fill me so that what love and affection I receive from my husband and children and those around me are just beautiful bonuses. So if one day I don’t get what I need from the people in my life, it doesn’t devastate me, I have God and have been filled by Him.  When I need to be held and hubby isn’t feeling all lovey dovey, God takes care of it in His own way.  God knows me better than I know myself so He knows exactly how to take care of me.

We all need to get to  a place in life where we teach ourselves to go to God first, then, He takes care of the rest be it through people, things or Him.  Don’t put unrealistic expectations on people and things.  You will live your life in great disappointment. Depend on God for everything and you will never be disappointed!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon


No Regrets!

no regretsOk, a moment of realness here!

Live your life now in a way that you will have no regrets when you’re married. You want to be a wife, start acting like one now!!  The man who God has set aside for you will have your heart.  You will be so in love with him! He will be all that you need and want spiritually and physically.  You will think about all the guys you’ve given yourself away to and will regret all that you allowed them to do to you.  You will regret letting them see what was meant for your husband.  You will wish that he’d been the only one who’s seen you naked, who’s touched your body, whose known you intimately.  What you do now matters!

You are not a car! You don’t need to test drive or be test driven to see if you’re a good fit with some guy.  Trusting God, you will never be disappointed! He created you and your future husband.  He knows how He created your vagina and how He created his penis.  He knows what you both will enjoy sexually.  He created the gift of sex and He created you! You have one body, save it for your husband.  Let him enjoy you and love you in a way that no one else ever will and you will be free of shame and guilt and be free to enjoy him.

Be blessed & encouraged!

Shannon


Just a Thought….


Who’s Your Hubby?

Is one of your greatest hopes, dreams, wishes…marriage? Finding the perfect hubby, having the perfect kids, perfect family? Well, what if… God’s plan is for you to stay single?  What if His plans to prosper you and give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) does not include marriage? To never marry a man, never have sex, but to be forever married to Him only?

We are all married to Him, if we have surrendered our lives to Him, but what if you are not supposed to marry, could you handle that?  Are you in a place in your life right now where you could actually say that you have totally surrendered all your hopes, wishes, and dreams to God and trust that whatever He has for you, you know that it’s for your good, He will see you through it and you will ultimately be satisfied with it as long as you keep your eyes on Him?  Have you become so engrossed with the picture of marriage and sex that the thought of letting go of that dream and trusting God with it makes you want to break down and cry?!  Even as a married woman, I still have to lie all of my hopes, wishes and dreams down at His feet and say, Lord, not my will, but yours! Married, single, widowed, divorced, we still have to trust Him and fight for our purity, fight to stay faithful to Him and His Word. Trusting His unconditional, undying, indescribable, all encompassing love for us! Whoo! Honestly, I feel as if I need Him more now in marriage and as a mom than I ever have!

It’s not easy! It’s not easy being married and I know that it’s not easy being single but see when I was single; I didn’t know God, not like I know Him now.  If I knew Him then like I know Him now, I would have known my worth, how loved I am and how precious, beautiful, worthy and awesome I was and am in Him! I’m not saying that you won’t have days where the hormones won’t try to take over but at least you know that you have God and He will help you to deal with those hormones, urges, and temptations.  Now, if you have not surrendered your life to Jesus then, unfortunately you are left to fight those battles on your own, and as a woman who fought them on her own, you will lose! Life is messy and crazy and without God, it’s downright scary! I couldn’t go back to a life without Him; He’s just too good to me!  He is still my husband and He loves me in ways that my husband in his human nature is incapable of. So husband or not, you will still be married to God, the lover of your soul, and that’s not a bad situation at all!

For he loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD!
Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’
Long ago the LORD said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
O Israel, hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is unfailing love. His redemption overflows.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Be blessed and encouraged,

Shannon


Truth & Lies

Hi Everyone!

I’ve had a lot going on lately and not to mention trying to read several books at one time so, I’ve had to put the Valorie Burton book, “Why Not You” on hold for a minute.  I’ll still be adding posts from my readings from her book, just not everyday.  Some of the books I’m reading now are, The Bible, The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer, Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and Lord, is it Warfare? Teach me to Stand by Kay Arthur. Full plate!  What can I say, I love to read! Anyway, so I am starting this Bible study on Kay Arthur’s book, Lord is it Warfare and I was reading in Ephesians as part of the homework assignment and this particular verse stuck out to me:

Ephesians 6:14 Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness

It made me think, how many people don’t protect their “loins” with the truth?  How many people really know the truth about sex and how many are listening to the lies of this world?  Do you know the truth?  Or are you listening to the lies? So below, I’ve listed a few (although there are many!) of the lies of this world and below that I’ve listed the truth, from GOD! God, who loves you unconditionally and would never ask you to compromise yourself, or do anything to hurt you, who has great plans for you and wants to protect you! Yes, HIM! 🙂 Ok, so here we go:

Lies

  1. God doesn’t care about my sex life.
  2. This is my body and I can do what I want with it!
  3. Everyone is having sex.  It’s no big deal!
  4. Oral sex isn’t sex.
  5. It’s okay for a man to get as much sex as he wants and be single.
  6. I couldn’t help myself!
  7. One time won’t hurt anything!
  8. Nothing will happen, I won’t get pregnant, he doesn’t have a disease, he’s too cute to have a disease!
  9. Not having sex before marriage is old school, no one waits for marriage anymore!
  10. It’s ok for me to dress like the women I see in music videos, that’s what guys like!

Truth

  1. God does care very much about our sex life!  He created sex! (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 NLT)
  2. No, your body does NOT belong to you.  Your body is the temple of the Lord! (1 Corinthians 6:17 NLT)
  3. Everyone may be having sex but it doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to do.  It’s a huge deal in the eyes of God! He says to flee from sexual immorality! (1 Corinthians 6:12-18 NLT)
  4. Oral sex is an act of sex, an extension of the gift that God has given to married couples, male & female. (Song of Songs 2:3, 4:16)
  5. No man or woman, single or not should be having sex with whomever, whenever! God never said to “sow your royal oats”, that’s from Coming to America, not God! LOL! We are to take pleasure in our HUSBANDS! Not boyfriend, not through hookin’ up, and definitely not because you’re bored or it’s the thing to do! (Proverbs 5:15-23) 
  6. You can’t control yourself, but with God’s help you can! (1 Cor 10: 12-13)
  7. One time won’t hurt anything…pulease, all it takes is one time to contract a disease or get pregnant.  Sperm was created to swim, and that’s what they are going to do, swim towards the egg and fertilize it!  Condoms are not 100%! Your virginity is a one time gift that’s to be for your future husband, trust me, it’s worth the wait! There’s so much that happens spiritually when you have sex with someone…I’ll cover more on this on another blog post….
  8. You can’t look at someone and see if they have herpes, HIV/AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc, and just because a condom is used, it doesn’t mean that you’re protected.  If he has something and his penis touches you anywhere in the area that’s supposed to be covered by your panties, there’s a chance he’s sharing more than just sex with you!
  9. There’s a reason that God saves sex for marriage.  He knows what it was created for and anything outside of why it was created can and will lead to disaster! Think of a can of Drano (or Liquid Plumr ;-)), if you don’t follow the directions on the can, or if you use it for something for which it was NOT created, what do you think will happen?  Read the Creator of sex directions and follow them carefully!
  10. The way you dress says a lot about you! How do you want a guy to view you? He will treat you the way that you are dressed.  The eyes & mind work hand in hand and we all know that guys are stimulated greatly by what they see! If you dress like a ho (yeah, I went there!), then, you will be treated like one.  There’s a way to look attractive without looking like a prostitute! Read the Song of Solomon and see how the man pays attention to every detail of the woman and tells her how beautiful she is, shoot he even talks about her teeth! Every woman wants to be loved, treasured and appreciated, so make sure you’re giving him a reason to love, treasure and appreciate you for who you are and not just the way your butt looks or how big your breasts are.  Those are for your husband’s enjoyment only! 🙂

There’s so much more and I feel that God wants me to focus more on truth and lies so there will be more to come on this subject but please, get a Bible, or better yet, go on the internet to an online Bible (I’ve listed some sites below) and find a version that makes sense to you and learn truth for yourself! Don’t listen to your friends, tv, radio, read the Bible for yourself and get truth for yourself!!!!!!!! I will gladly answer any questions and if I don’t know the answer I will find it for you but please find truth for yourself! God has a plan for all of us and it’s a great plan! It’s not for us to be hurt and defeated but to prosper and have an abundant and full life.  You don’t have to settle for the lies of this world! If you don’t want to post your questions on the blog you can email me at savinitforhubby@yahoo.com anytime!

*****Don’t forget, my FREE teleclass, 5 Things to Think About BEFORE You Have Sex is coming up next Saturday, January 21 @ 11am! It’s free but you have to register so that I can send you the dial-in information. Click on the link below to register.****

5 Things to Think About BEFORE You Have Sex!

Online Bibles:

YouVersion Online Bible

Bible Gateway

Be blessed & encouraged!

Shannon


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