Categories

Error of the Single Woman

error 2

In my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship.  I had a different guy for every aspect of my life.  One guy who was truly just a friend that I could hang out with, then there was the guy who took care of my emotional needs and then there was the guy who took care of my physical needs.  Neither guy had the total package of what I thought I needed or wanted in a man at the time so all three combined seemingly fed my wounded soul. Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because at the time, I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need. God was just God, no major significance to the decisions I made.  But once God finally got His hands on me, once I finally submitted, my world was turned upside down!

I met my husband when I was in college and still straddling the fence with God. I knew God was calling me but I wasn’t ready to heed the call.  Before we became husband and wife, we lived together and God made it clear as day that us living together outside of marriage was not His plan! He made it very clear! (To read the story, check out my book, Love, Jesus, Sex: Experiences & Lessons Learned) Once we found out that we were out of the will of God, He led us down the path to getting right with Him and after two years of being together we got married.

Now, going back to my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what every single lady does when she’s ready to mingle, I went out to find me a man! The Error? Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man.  This is the total opposite of His Word. His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam by God Himself (Genesis 2:22). Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the world’s way of thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word.  So not true!

To the real Christian woman, it is my hope that you want to attract the godliness in a man, not lust, right?  Lust dies, sometimes very quickly and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is…RESPECT! Yes! Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to keep a godly man. Why? Because this is not, was not how God intended relationships to be in the first place.

Go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in chapter 2 verses 22 through 23. First, God took a part of Adam that was unique to him, and from that unique rib, created a woman for Adam. God used a rib which is used to protect mans most vital organs, and from that came Eve. Please catch the significance of this! You, custom-made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God! Now, before you’re placed by Adam’s side, there’s something that you have to do, woman of God. You have to step back, submit, and allow GOD to form, shape and mold you. Once the process is done, then and only then will God present you to your Adam. Trying to buck this system ends in ERROR!

Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinions or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him.  Which is another reason you as a single lady need to step back and let God be God and let Him finish working on and in you and your Adam. God’s breath is needed for any relationship to work! If you’re trying to get a man that’s not had or doesn’t have the breath or word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you and won’t know what to do with you.  He’ll only respond to you in a lustful and immature way! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.

So, my dear single sister, stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him, yes especially the job of trying to find a man.  Work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Then when it’s time to be side by side with Adam it will feel like a blessing and not a curse!

If you would like to hang out and chat with like-minded ladies who are trusting God to prepare them for their Adam, feel free to join our private community here on Facebook or follow me on Facebook for daily encouragement here.

If you need a little help in getting free from the baggage of old relationships, or needing to know who you are in Christ or need a complete mind change when it comes to sex and purity then my FREE online course HEALED might just be the clean start that you need!

Be Blessed & Encouraged,

Shannon

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Categories, Getting Aligned with God Series

Getting Aligned with God: Prioritizing

priorities

Good Morning!

We are now at the final step in our Getting Aligned with God series! The final step is to prioritize our lives to where God comes first in everything! Giving God His rightful place in our heart and our life. Just as now that He sits on the throne of heaven, He should sit on the throne of our heart as not only our Savior but also as our Lord! When we give our lives to God, when we ‘get saved’ we always remember that Jesus died on the Cross to forgive our sins, be our Savior, and make us right with God. Along the way we often forget that He is also our Lord! Meaning, He should be the governing body of our heart and our life. This is what distinguishes us from the world and moves us from being more than just believers but disciples of Jesus Christ.

I’m a week late in posting this final step because I was so sick last week that the last thing I wanted to do was write a blog post. Yep that sick. I had to make myself a priority because if I hadn’t I would have continued to be sick or gotten worse. This is how we need to look at our life when we consider getting our priorities in order. If we don’t, our situations, circumstances could get worse and we’ll remain stuck where we don’t want to be. This picture came to mind when I was thinking of priorities, there’s an order.  God's order of marriage Just as God has a model for marriage, the same goes for our lives whether married or single. Our relationship with God is THE most important and should come first in our lives. It should take precedence in the choices that we make and the people we surround ourselves with. When we make God the priority, when we put Him in His rightful place in our life, He begins to line things up for us. This upcoming weekend my Hubby and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage!! I was lying in bed thinking of our honeymoon weekend, which was not this big getaway to a tropical island, but I remembered that we didn’t even have a car when we got married and we didn’t even have our own place! But God! So if you don’t know my story, I’ll share a bit here, but you can get the full story in my book, Love, Jesus, Sex: Experiences & Lessons Learned.  Before my husband and I got married, we’d had sex outside of marriage not just in our relationship with each other but with others before we met. We were all out-of-order! When we decided to get married and do things God’s way, it’s as if He rolled out the red carpet for us! The way that He provided for our rings, my dress, even the hotel suite we stayed in. I even remember that somehow we’d both gotten a nice income tax check so that we were able to enjoy our honeymoon weekend and were able to eat at our top choice restaurants that we’d always wanted to try but couldn’t because we were broke college students LOL! Even after we got married, he blessed me with a new job because when we got married I was working at Ruby Tuesday as a server! Then, after the job came our own apartment and then He gave us favor with the owner of the building we lived in and got us a brand new washer and dryer for only $300! The blessings kept coming! We’d go to church and there were couples that would just pass us cards with money in them! When we got our act together, when we got aligned with God, He began to bless us and move in our lives. He began to guide us into the plans He had for us but He began to do the work in us to prepare us for the purpose He has for us individually and together as husband and wife.

If you’re stuck in your life right now and nothing’s changing or moving then perhaps your priorities are all out-of-order. Take a look at your life and see where you’ve placed God. What/who have you put in place as lord of your life? There’s an order, a flow that leads to alignment with God. And it should always begin with God.

If you need support, have more questions or just need someone to hold you accountable and pray with you throughout this process, there’s a Facebook group that I’ve created just for this. If you’re interested, click here!

Be blessed and encouraged,

Shannon

Categories, Getting Aligned with God Series

Getting Aligned With God: Fasting

significance of fasting

 

Hi!!

Welcome to the first step to Getting Aligned with God! Today we will talk a bit about fasting. There’s lots of confusion when it comes to fasting and there are many scriptures in the bible that give certain specifications for fasting; when it’s done, why, where, who, what, how and how long.

Well, for me fasting starts with a choice. It’s a choice to deny the flesh of something it craves, and seeking to fully fulfil my spirit. It’s me decreasing so that God in me may increase (John 3:30-31). Christians fast for healing, answers to prayer, closeness to God, to have certain things broken off them, to help them get aligned with God.

Letting go of what we want, especially when it’s no good for us, sometimes requires a little extra umph, extra help, some reinforcement. That’s where fasting comes in.  The first 2 scriptures in our January 2018 SWP (scripture writing plan) were scriptures pertaining to fasting. Have you decided what you will fast from? There are many ways to fast. There’s the Daniel Fast, there’s fasting where you only drink water and/or juices, and then there’s a fast where you fast from things, people or situations that pull you away from God or have a strong hold on your life. For instance foods, that guy who you know you need to move away from or that friend or family member who criticizes your faith, or fast from social media! For me, I’m fasting from sweets; no candy, cakes, ice cream, cookies, pies, cinnamon rolls, all the things that I absolutely love. I don’t eat these things all the time but I do love them and sometimes the cravings can get out of hand or I’ll find myself turning to them when I’m a bit stressed or frustrated. So, I’m starting this year off in getting aligned with God by denying my flesh and instead of baking something to try to ease a frustration, I’m going to God, I’ll be praying and reading scripture instead. As for the length of a fast, it depends on you. Every year my church does a 21 day fast in January and we started this past Saturday, January 6th. Some people do 40 days as Jesus did when He was tempted in the desert by satan (Matthew 4:1-11). Then there are short fasts throughout the year. I do these based on what’s going on in my life, or if I’m seeking clear answers from God. I’ll do a week-long fast and say, not eat anything all day until 4pm. If you’re not sure, pray and ask God, He’ll give you a time period and what to fast from. During this type of fast, you can ask someone to fast with you or to be your prayer partner during your fast.

Fasting is a way to help to train you to run to God first and not to those things, people or situations that pull you away from God. In order to move forward with God we have to be in line with Him.  We have to be on the same side of the fence, we can’t straddle. Fasting is making a choice for our relationship with Christ. It’s also a way to make your spirit more sensitive to His voice. Fasting requires us to depend on Him to get us through denying our flesh and in the first week, you may find that your flesh is screaming at you like a 2-year-old having a temper tantrum because it wants what it wants. When your flesh starts screaming, you yell back at it with scripture! I also must warn you of the spiritual warfare that comes with fasting. It’s the enemy, the devil, satan, trying to trip you up and pull your affections away from God. That’s why prayer is so important during fasting! You can’t fast and not pray, you just can’t. Your fast will be in vain. You can’t get close to the Father without having a conversation with Him and that’s prayer.

You don’t have to go through your journey of fasting alone. I have set up a Facebook group that pertains to this series and there we will share about our fasts, and other things we’re learing during this series. If you’re interested, click here!

I look forward to this journey with you and please, if there are any questions, comments or concerns feel free to ask!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

Categories, Sexual Healing Series

Identity Crisis (Sexual Healing Series)

Before we get started:

  • Pray for Holy Spirit to be with you and guide you through this process as you won’t be able to do this alone.
  • Get a prayer partner or accountability partner or join our closed Sexual Healing group on Facebook here.
  • Be open and honest with yourself and transparent with your prayer partner or accountability person about any struggles or issues you’re having.
  • Enjoy the journey knowing that God is on your side and is more than willing to heal you!

identity-crisis-banner

 

Scripture: 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.


We were both fresh out of college when we got married. We were all lovey dovey and couldn’t stand to be away from each other. Then time passes, and the reality sinks in that you actually have to start doing life together, real life things like budget, pay bills, communicate. Before long, things started to get a little rocky. All of a sudden marriage didn’t look like I thought it would or should. All of my expectations weren’t being met, Hubby wasn’t being my knight in shining armor. He wasn’t telling me how fine and beautiful I was every day, or being affectionate everyday. He didn’t bring home flowers, and chocolates. He didn’t make me feel special, loved or needed everyday. In order for me to feel loved and cherished I needed this meer man to make me feel special because that’s what I expected and that’s what I needed him to do to make me feel secure and not doubt that I deserved to be married and to be loved unconditionally.  I needed him to do all these things every day so that I wouldn’t feel guilt and shame from my past and to some how prove to myself that I was worthy of love and valuable.

Looking back, this is what I expected from all my past relationships. I craved the attention and affection. My home life was so full of dysfunction and unpredictable circumstances, not the stability and security that a young girl needed. I wasn’t getting attention and affection from home from my mom and my dad was killed before I’d been born. There was no daily healthy affirmation or confirmation of who I was. So I sought the attention and affection elsewhere. I knew that my mom loved me but she had so many of her own demons to fight that she couldn’t fully give us what we needed, she couldn’t give what she didn’t have herself. If one guy wasn’t attentive enough, there was always another guy and another guy who was always available to make me feel beautiful, wanted, attractive and loved, special.  I thrived on the attention! The more attention I got, the more I felt validated and it took away from the hurt and pain that I had to deal with at home. It got even worse when I was in college. By then I was utterly boy crazy! I was so depressed from my past and I just covered it up with sex and all the attention I could get.

Well, this behavior played out in my marriage. Hubby and I didn’t get proper premarital counseling, we went in to marriage blindly, like sheep led to slaughter! We got what Hubby and I like to call “bootleg” counseling. The church we were attending at the time didn’t have any kind of marriage or premarital classes or counseling. We met with our pastor for about an hour. He asked all of five questions and when he found out we were living together, the only thing he told us was to stop having sex, not telling us why, and that we needed to get married sooner rather than later. So, we did, we got married and a few months later all hell broke loose!

I was expecting my husband to be my savior. My redeemer, the one to restore me and he couldn’t because that’s not his job. He needed someone to do and be the same for him and I couldn’t because that’s not my job either. Only Jesus can do this. We both came into marriage broken, battered and bruised filled with the pain and baggage from our pasts. He didn’t know who he was in Christ and neither did I so we put these unrealistic expectations on each other. You can’t be broken and get with another broken person and expect them to make you whole. No other human on this earth can complete you, ever. That’s not what humans are to do, only Jesus completes us. That’s why no matter how much sex, drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, attention you get or have, you’re never fulfilled. There’s a place in us only meant to be filled with Jesus and Jesus alone.

Path to Healing:

After some time, Hubby and I went to counseling and dealt with some of our past issues and learned how to work with each other. We also began to learn who we were in Christ. Throughout this journey, God called me to teach His truth about sex and during this journey He healed me as well. By replacing the lies with the truth, I was healed. My husband couldn’t and didn’t heal me, Jesus did. My husband isn’t responsible for my happiness and neither are my children, I am. People will come and go, will hurt you, try to break you, discourage you, knock you down, talk about you, wear you down, but Jesus won’t! All these things I experienced growing up because no one taught me who I was in Christ. I only heard of God here and there, but never about Jesus dying for my sins, my healing and wholeness and that I can be co-heirs with Him and be a child of God! Since I didn’t know these things, I went searching to fill this void in all the wrong places. Again I say, ignorance is NOT bliss. The things I did when I was young followed me into my marriage. My getting married didn’t make my hurts, pains, and flaws go away, they were just magnified! God uses marriage to draw things out of us and man is it painful sometimes.  I’m always amazed at how my husband knows exactly what button to push and how God shows me something about myself that I need to let Him in to heal or that I need to work on. Once I learned that I am God’s treasured possession, His daughter, the one He takes delight in, His child that’s fearfully and wonderfully made, I was able to relax and enjoy my marriage more! When my husband was being very human, it was easy to forgive him because I understood that he’s human and that God is working on him just like He’s working on me. My husband needed to have his junk uprooted too. So, knowing these things, it became easier to extend mercy and grace towards one another.

Work it out:

Not to say that you will be perfect going in to marriage, but BEFORE you get married, deal with you now! Learn who you are in Christ so that you won’t go into marriage with all these unrealistic expectations that will only put your marriage in crisis mode. You need Jesus now and you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! If you’re already married and things are already in crisis mode, focus on getting your heart right. Don’t look at what your husband is or isn’t doing. Let God handle Him, you focus on what God is telling you to work on.

Now, I want you to write down some of the lies that you believe about yourself or circumstances and then beside each one, write truth. For instance, for me it was not feeling worthy or valued, so my go to scripture was Psalm 37:23 (NLT) The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights (takes pleasure) in every detail of their lives. Just knowing that God took pleasure in every detail about my life blessed my heart! I didn’t have to worry about anyone else, because I knew that my Father cared about me. Below are some scriptures to get you started. Take time to write them out, meditate on them and use them to replace the lies and learn who you are in Christ! 

  1. Romans 12:2
  2. Psalm 37:23
  3. 1 Peter 2:9
  4. Psalm 94:19
  5. Romans 6:6
  6. Deuteronomy 7:6
  7. 2 Corinthians 3:17
  8. Isaiah 62:3
  9. Galatians 3:26
  10. Ephesians 2:10
  11. Psalm 139:14
  12. Song of Songs 4:7
  13. 1 Samuel 16:7
  14. Proverbs 31:30

Prayer:

Gracious and loving Father, thank you for your unconditional love, mercy and grace. Thank you Jesus for the forgiveness of sin.  I pray for every person who’s dealing with an identity crisis. Father I pray that you begin to show them who You created them to be. Show them how You see them. Father I pray that you will replace the lies told them by the enemy and replace them with Your truth. I pray for healing and wholeness in their hearts and minds. I pray for marriages to begin the healing process and I pray for wisdom and guidance for those preparing to be married. Lead them to wise counsel Lord and I pray that they take heed to all that they learn. I pray that all will continue to press forward towards all that you have for them! In Jesus’ name, Amen

I look forward to hearing about your experiences this week and if there are any other scriptures you’d like to share, questions or you just want to chat with someone who’s walking this same path, join us in the closed Facebook group here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon