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Attracting Adam

Oldie but Goodie, an article I guest posted on my friend’s ministry site! 

attracting adamIn my single days, I was on the constant search for a man or male companionship. I just couldn’t bear being alone. I had a different guy for every aspect of my life.  One was just a friend that I could hang out with; another served my emotional needs, and finally a guy who took care of my physical needs. Neither had the total package based on what I thought I needed or wanted in a man, so during those times the combination of all three “fed” my wounded soul.

Notice, neither of the guys fed me spiritually because I didn’t consider any type of spiritual need.

God was just God—the One I called on when I’d gotten myself into a mess of a situation. He held no major significance in the decisions I made. But, when I stopped running from God, once I finally submitted, my life was changed completely!

During my single days, I didn’t know God so I did what I believed every other single woman did—I went out to find me a man. Not knowing that God never says in His Word that a woman has to go out and get a man. Actually, according to Genesis 2:22 it’s the polar opposite, And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

See, His Word tells us that Eve was brought to Adam right? Eve didn’t have to go and look for anyone. Being single, we roll with the crowd thinking that in order for a man to want us we must look, dress and behave in a way that’s contrary to God’s Word.  So not true!

You want to attract the godliness in a man—not just lust. Lust causes your brother to sin. It also dies and believe it or not, it’s not a man’s deepest need. A man’s deepest need from a woman is respect! God tells us in His word that the wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33). Remember, what you give off is what you will attract. Being “fine” or “sexy”, on the outside is not enough to get and keep a man. Why? Because this is and was not how God intended relationships to be. Yes, taking care of our body is very important because our body is the temple of the Lord, but using it to get what we want is not what our bodies were designed for.

Let’s go back to Genesis where Eve was created and presented to Adam in 2:22-23. First, God took a rib—a part of Adam that was good and God created a woman for Adam. Genesis 1:31 says, And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. God used a rib, the bone that’s close to a man’s most vital organs, his organs that are most vital to his life and being, and from that came Eve.

You—the custom made rib, was taken from your Adam by whom? God!

Now, when God is done (assuming that you will step back, submit, and allow Him to do so) forming, shaping and creating you—then and only then will God present you to your Adam.

I understand that being single can be hard, but I will tell you from experience, now is the time to deal with you! Your season of singleness is the best time to deal with your attitude, brokenness, insecurities, and your past. You don’t want to go into a new relationship, and don’t even think about going into a marriage with all your baggage.  Why? Because it will put unnecessary strain on your human husband who’s just a man. You can’t bring along all of the baggage and issues then expect him to fix your life, make you feel a certain way, and take away the pain from your past.  The only One who can do that is God!

Now, back to Genesis 2:23, when God presented Eve to Adam, what was Adam’s reaction? He immediately accepted her as his wife. He immediately and readily accepted EVE as God had formed and created her. Adam didn’t ask God to change her in any way. God didn’t ask for Adam’s opinion or preferences (he was asleep) but God knew who Adam was and He knew what Adam needed. Adam was formed, shaped and created by God as well and had God’s breath breathed into him.  This is another reason why you, as a single lady, must step back and let God be God. Allow Him to finish working on and in your Adam.

If you’re trying to get a man that does not have the breath or Word of God in him, then he won’t recognize you for who you are and won’t know what to do with you.  He’ll only respond to you lustfully and immaturely! Also notice that Adam didn’t ask to try Eve out or to live together first to make sure they were a perfect match sexually! Adam trusted that Eve was all that he needed because Adam trusted God. You need a man who trusts God and is led by God.

Men desire respect and not being respected is one of their greatest fears. I didn’t know this when I first got married and it really caused issues in our marriage. Once I stopped trying to be in charge and submitted myself to God (which is submitting and being the wife God called me to be according to His Word) my hubby began to respond differently.

I got what I needed from him and he and I began to flow. The flow got better as we both learned God’s roles for a husband and wife. Men respond to us visually yes, but once the lust dies—and it will, then what?

So, while you’re single, please stop trying to be God and submit all things to Him—especially the job of trying to find a man.  Use this precious time to work on deepening your relationship with God because trust me, you will most definitely need Him when you’re married! Know who you are in Christ. Find out what His word says about you. Be a wife now, because in a sense, you are married to God through salvation so allow God to be your husband. If you can’t submit to God’s headship, how in the world will you submit to your husband?

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

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Update & 5 Red Flags for Dating

Hello!!

I know it’s been forever but….I’m pregnant! I am due in about 7.5 weeks! I’m so ready LOL! This little fella is getting heavy! Me 8 mos preggersIt seems that my little Caleb has consumed my life already and I haven’t really been able to write even though there’s lots on my mind. Hoping to write more once I get settled with my little one!

Now for red flags for dating, I saw this post on Facebook and thought it would be helpful. If you see any of the signs listed below, RUN FOR THE HILLS!  (Oh and by the way, I’m always sharing info on the Savin’ it for Hubby Facebook page so it you haven’t joined us, you may do so by clicking “Like” via the Facebook box to the right :-))

Please ladies, don’t let your loneliness or desperation make you compromise your morals.  Be patient and wait on the Lord.  I know sometimes it easier said than done, but you’ll never regret trusting and waiting on him.

Be blessed and encouraged,

Shannon

Red Flags for Dating

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Soapbox Moment!

Ok, ladies….(big sigh) I know some of you are tired of being single and are really wanting companionship. I know some of you may be in a relationship and you’re settling for Mr. No Good all because you want to be in a relationship and for the sake of saying that you have a “man” and I use the term “man” very loosely! A man does NOT beat you, curse at you, verbally abuse you, treat you like crap, manipulate you, threaten you, use you, destroy your life and make things worse than they have to be or take advantage of you!!! You are God’s daughter, His beloved! God delights in you! He Loves you beyond measure! He has a MAN set aside for you, but first God must become your man!! Your value and worth comes from Him not a man! Stop settling and taking crap! You were created for more!!! You are stronger and wiser than you think! Stop letting fear run your life! God didn’t give you a spirit of fear but of a sound mind! Get up and leave him alone! GOD WILL DEFINITELY TAKE CARE OF YOU! But, only if you allow Him to. He’s not forceful, He’s love and perfect love casts out all fear, there’s no fear in love. God doesn’t condemn but has compassion and He’s waiting to love on you the way you deserve to be loved! Trust God, not man!!
Ok, I’m done now…<3

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

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There Just Aren’t Any Good Men Out There!

*Disclaimer: this is not all men or all women, ok?*

Ok, so this is what I hear all the time and I know of a contributing factor as to why there are not as many good men out there…it’s because of us women! Yes, I said it and let me tell you why.

Men were created by God to be our protectors, provider and the priest of our home.  As women our role is to love and respect the man.  None of this is going on in this world.  Women are  taught, told and want to be independent, not in need of a man, so if you don’t need a man, what’s the point of trying to have one?  You’ve taken over his role! Why bother being with you if you have it all together?  If you’re independent then what is the man to do? He’s being forced out of his God-given role and now they have become lazy, have no focus, no ambition and no desire to provide, protect or be a priest!

Say you don’t want to be Ms. Independent you want a man, got to have a man, so you dress and do WHATEVER it takes to get him.  Well, first understand that you will get what you attract! You dress like a whore, you get treated like one. You become a play thing, a toy, amusement for when he’s bored.  Men are stimulated visually.  If all you want him to do is desire you sexually, then dress the part and that’s what you’ll get but if you want love and respect, then love and respect yourself! The mind and eyes are sex organs for men.  We as women have to remember that! We have a lot of power and God didn’t give it to us to misuse especially to use against His sons, our brothers in Christ.  Yes, they are our brothers! When dressing like a prostitute, you’re causing your brother to commit adultery with you in his mind.  Would you want someone to cause your biological brother to commit adultery? Then, not only this but in chasing a man down and going out to get him yourself, you take on the responsibility of being God.  God’s job is to bring you to your husband when the time is right, not you go out and find him and hunt him down!  Men have the innate desire to conquer his woman, when we take that from him, where does that leave him? Our aggressiveness takes away their masculinity.

If a man is married, LEAVE HIM ALONE! Nothing good will come out of it! Would you want someone coming after your husband?

WIVES: TAKE CARE OF YOUR HUSBANDS NEEDS AND YOU WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM BEING SEDUCED BY A WOMAN WITH NO MORALS!

Bottom line, ladies, know your place.  God has a beautiful design and purpose for men and women that works wonderfully if we’ll just stay in our lane.  Let a man be a man.  Let God be God. You don’t have to dress like a prostitute to get a good man or get attention or affection, that’s God’s job to fill those places.  You don’t have to go hunt a man down, God will take care of that for you. Don’t buy into the lie that being sexy and being a seductress demonstrates power and femininity, so not true.  This is the total opposite of God’s plan. Focus on the man in your life now, God, and if you don’t have Him, He’s waiting for you!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon

 

 

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Dating: Helpful or Harmful?

When I was single, I couldn’t wait for my next date.  To be wined and dined and doted on and have whomever the lucky guy was undivided attention.  Each date led to something being revealed that I didn’t like about the guy or I found out he was just in it for sex.  Unfortunately, I gave in which led to more problems than I care to admit.  Dating supposedly is set up to see if we’re compatible with someone, and we all want to make sure we’re compatible but really all it does is feed a spirit of discontentment.  I feel that it contributes to the high rate of divorce.  It teaches us that if we get married and the guy does something we don’t like, we just divorce them and move on.  Marriage is a covenant relationship, not a contract.  You become one when you get married.  Why is it so easy for some people to divorce themselves? It’s because they went into the marriage with the wrong idea or no idea about marriage.  Some are just in love with the idea of marriage and totally are not prepared for what happens after “I do”. More on this later, now back to dating.

Follow me for a moment.  When you date, your ultimate goal is to find your spouse, right? Well, I’m married now and I LOVE my husband but let me tell you, marriage can be hard.  It’s a lot of work.  There are days that I don’t like my husband, or he’ll do or say something that I don’t like or hurt my feelings (he’s a man and he’s human, it’s going to happen in marriage, trust me!) or I may say or do something that ticks him off (which does happen in marriage, trust me!). As I said before, satan is watching and waiting for an opportunity to pounce.  On a bad day, if you’re not taking your thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), memories of guys from your past will pop up.  Your mind will begin to wonder and things you’ve done with him, things he’s said to you, how he made you feel, how he touched you or kissed you.  Then, you start to look at your hubby and start comparing and wondering….why doesn’t he make me feel like such and such, or why doesn’t he do this, say this, or act this way.  This happens! Marriage is beautiful but you will be tested! As I’ve said before, the enemy doesn’t fight fair.

Dating to find your “soul mate” is not the way to go.  It sets you up for failure.  You won’t get to your future hubby any faster. Let God do that for you.  If you do, when you get married, you will have less ammo for the enemy to use against you. That’s why God gave us His word, so that we will know what to do.  He gave it to us for our protection. He knows that the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy.  Don’t give in to what feels good or looks good now. Think about your future and what you really want and act accordingly.

When I met my hubby, we were in college.  He moved in with me, we “shacked up” and boy did God get our attention.  We both grew up where everyone we knew lived with others married or not.  We started going to church together and learned the truth.  Not long after he moved in, I lost my job, he was in a car accident and totaled his car, my car broke down and I didn’t have the money to get it fixed, and then we were evicted! God provided wise counsel and we were told that we needed to either get married or not live together.  So hubby and I prayed and God led the way.  He provided all that we needed; the rings, my dress, venue.  God totally worked it out.  When you get in line with His vision and do things His way, He will definitely take care of you and make a way but you have to trust Him.

So, what’s the alternative to dating.  Prayer and hanging out or going out in groups.  God will show you and lead you through the rest.  If your future hubby is in that group, God will work it out so that you can get to know each other better.  Just trust Him, trust Him, trust Him!!!

I found a more in-depth article on dating here!

Be blessed & encouraged,

Shannon